Remember kids, if you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.

Listening to @yuckybot cry about the internets and laughing so hard my soul came back.

I WASN'T MASTURBATING. I WAS CLEANING IT AND IT WENT OFF.

If you think no one cares, miss a few payments

Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy.

I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but BITCHES I'M MAKING TOAST!

"fat chicks are fun, just get really drunk and pretend you're swimming" -my roomie, the chubby chaser.

Well I'm going to play with my privates now. These G.I. Joes aren't going to kill themselves.

I'm gonna rock out with my cock out, while you blackout with your rack out and we'll hit up denny's in the morning. #bestline2010

It wouldn't be Sunday without @yuckybot tears to help me wash down this horrid bullshit he's been feeding you guys as funny

Girlfriend pregnant error, [A]bort, [M]arry, [I]gnore ?

I'd like a chick that doesn't have BitchX pre-installed.

Dear people, I can't help you if the best definition of the problem you can give is "It don't work"

There's something about trampolines that brings out the kid in you. Also boobs.

Wild house party last night. Anyone know whose baby this is?!?

Making korean spare ribs on memorial day, b'cuz 'merica!

Anybody can get a girlfriend, just like anybody can get a job. Most likely you have a "minimum wage" girlfriend.

Apparently they changed their twitter to @razer but im still gonna test their voip app

New drinking game: Everytime @benmarvin RTs a black person, a chick making toast, or some ho that loves tacos, drink a beer.

Starting a new cryptography forum, just so @pgpboard will start a libel campaign against me. I need to relive my 20s.