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"Damn baby, you're a brother's dream," I'm pretty sure translates to "You have a big ass" but I graciously thanked him anyway.
I just fucked him so good that all I need now is chalk for the body outline in what looks like a crime scene.
So far today I've been peed on, thrown up on AND had my hair pulled out. And that's just my love life. Worst day ever.
Coffee in my veins & the swishing sound of my Prozac in my purse. It's gonna be a fine day.
If you leave me waiting alone in your waiting room for more than 30 minutes, expect me to steal your tongue depressors and examining gloves.
J Lo's new E Harmony bio says she's just a girl from the Bronx looking for some douche she can walk all over in her Manolo Blahniks, prolly.
One of my tweets from seven months ago just earned 50 stars! I'm on fire bitches!
It's too bad about the divorce. Marc Anthony looks like he would be such a tender & gentle lover. :(
After the movies last night, hubby & I were inspired with a little role playing of Harry Twatter & the Sorcerer's sword.
Hubby doesn't like it when I refer to my future as light at the end of the tunnel.
Got a minivan for the upcoming school year. Now I can just slide open the door & the kids can tuck & roll in the student drop off lane.
Just witnessed a lady struggling to tuck her leg fat into her boot so it would zip & damn near went blind.
You've got a friend in me. La la la la ~dirty whore at a swingers club
Ugh! The felonies I commit for my child. She better be grateful.
If my son's friend didn't like receiving CPR chest compressions maybe next time he shouldn't sleep with his eyes wide open.
I'm the thinnest I've been in 7 years. I'm flippin starving to death but just shallow enough to still want to look amazing in my swimsuit.
Im pretty good at trying to connect the geographical dots to determine if a large marijuana bust on the news will affect my dealer's supply.
It's 9 am & I'm wondering if my cat ears hat and Hello Kitty sweatshirt are making me look like an emotionally immature 38 y/o in this bar.