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Congrats on the wedding bro, you probably didn't like morning sex anyways
Who are these sick fuck couples with shared email accounts?
Does this condom make me look fat?
And by giving you "breakfast in bed." I mean I'm going down on you
I drive the same way I make love: hard, fast, angry and with no regard for human life or property damage
There's never a perfect time to ask for forgiveness......but after she's had a few glasses of wine is a good start
Riding a title-wave of vodka on a surfboard of I don't care
Marital sex, about as electrifying as licking a six year old 9-volt battery
Canadian Gilligan stuck on a tropical island. If you find me dead on the side of the road don't bother doing an autopsy. It was alcohol and awesomeness
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