Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Wife: where are you going?
Me: to get some air
Wife: we got air in the house!
Me: I like drugs with my air!
HAPPY CANADA DAY! My country is drunker than yours right now!
I watched my 1st porno today. I looked much younger back then
Hey guys!! I fucked my twitter crush! Do I win twitter now??
When I see a grown man wearing a baseball cap backwards I just assume it's so he can fit more cock in his mouth
"What time is the hockey game on today?" -Canadians
I'm not afraid of rehab. 90 days in sweatpants talking about me all day sounds pretty fucking magical
Sushi makes miso horny
If loving you is wrong.....please don't tell my wife
Tweet like no one is following
Remember girls, well behaved women are seldom remembered
When she orders the lobster you have a right to demand anal
dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish
What's the female equivalent to cock block? Beaver dam? My wife totally beaver damned me at the bar last night
I've always been a sucker for the girl next door type. Too bad I grew up next to a methadone clinic
Selling cars to Canadians means I must convert imperial to metric, and horsepower to moosepower
Should I buy, lease or steal my next car?
How much money do I have to have to make the transition from "nut case" to "eccentric?"
Winning a Toyota Prius is like loosing your virginity but contracting an STD.
Last night again proved that drunk texting is one of my hobbies, but not one of my talents.
Canadian Gilligan stuck on a tropical island. If you find me dead on the side of the road don't bother doing an autopsy. It was alcohol and awesomeness