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Boobs jiggle when girls laugh, fellas
So be funny
Dear woman that complain constantly about your boob size,
Men like boobs of all sorts !!
Ya know what men hate?
WOMEN WHO COMPLAIN
Retweeting = you're hilarious
Favoriting = you're hilarious but I don't want people to know I follow a weirdo like you
I think I’m at my hottest when I’m wasted and see myself in a bar bathroom mirror
Good girls bend at the knees, bad girls bend at the waist
If a guy is doing you doggy style he better have his hands on your ass at 10 and 2 ... Safety first
The people you need in your life are the ones that appreciate you in theirs
When I'm screaming during an orgasm, it's your job to tap my throat so I make Indian noises
No one feels bad for you when you’re a shitty person. No matter how you spin your sob story
I love kids...But stop making me hold your baby. Why are you letting people touch your new born?!?
I don't let people touch my new iPhone
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?"
I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Apologizing when you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak. The fact that you’re too much of an ass to see that you’re wrong makes you weak
A beautiful girl looks ugly when she’s with a guy who doesn’t appreciate her
I love being retweeted into the timelines of people that don't follow or like me. This must be how it feels to "cum on a bitches face"
Hey skinny girls whining you’re fat… at least your brain weighs nothing
Some talents you just can’t put on a resumé
Why must every in invite extended to me include the phrase "Will you behave?"
I'll swerve to miss running over a bunny but I will aim for a bicyclist
So the judgmental people at Sears don't like it when you sit on top of their washing machines set on high to test them
Naming your fantasy football team something awesome is more important than the names you bestow upon your children
I think like a boy & look like a girl What more could you ask for? Doing sports talk radio is my drug & I'm trying to quit DENVER SPORTS! IG KrissiBex