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Why do they sell Girl Scout cookies right before bikini season?
Feeling drunk off two glasses of wine is a congratulations on starving yourself today.
Please stop inviting me to your events on Facebook. ✋
Nobody gets the 'C U Next Tuesday' joke, which only makes it funnier.
Another one of my friends got engaged, and I'm over here like 'should I buy Christmas scrubs?'
I don't normally wake up in men's underwear, but when I do, he's married.
The amount of texts I have to ignore because I don't know how to tell a guy no when he asks for my number is getting ridiculous.
If the only day you post pictures on instagram is #throwbackthursday it's safe to say you got fat.
My patient told me he hasn't been able to eat for 3 weeks, then I made out with him. Hopefully it's contagious!
My roommate just got home so I can now pop my first beer of the night. No one likes drinking alone.
My favorite part of going out is coming home and slipping into something a little more comfortable.
My car doubles as a recycle bin for empty water bottles.