I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.

To avoid that awkward situation when eating a banana, eat the banana like corn on the cob.

I heard Britany Spears is gettin back together.

My sons passed out for the rest of the night. Now I can get stoned and eat these pizza rolls.

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty fucking awesome.

If you smoke bath salts and get the urge to eat me, please start with my vagina.

I put the Stalker in Stalker.

I star and RT because im fucking nice!

Who does a girl gotta flirt with around here to get some stars?

You unfollowed and blocked me, But I still have your phone number. Ring Ring, motherfucker!

Im getting pretty sick of RTing you funny pieces of shit.

Twitter gives a whole new meaning to "Pocket Pussy".

Oh, so you DO read my tweets. Thought ya couldnt see me there for a sec.

One day, I wanna look at my phone and have a text from you. Is that so much to fuckin ask for??

Oh, You smoke Top™ Cigarettes? Tell me more about Your meth addiction.

Twitters just one big sext convention.

Soo, my TL isnt refreshing, just like yesterday. If this becomes a daily issue, I think I might die.

Just 3 dudes discussing mustaches. Thats not weird at all.

Im gonna go get drunk. Brb.

*strips off panties slowly*