@LaceyMark's (Mark Lacey) most faved Tweets...
Oh, nothing much. Just plucking my ear hair so the ipod ear buds will fit when I mow the lawn. Sorry ladies, I'm taken.
If you know I'm an atheist and you still send me a birthday card with Jesus and scripture, you might be a fucking asshole, mom.
If I win the lottery the first thing I'm doing is getting a hummer. Then maybe an automobile of some kind.
My son wants me to tell Twitter that his mom farted in his room when she tucked him in. I should get him his own account.
My Pepsi was not in the break room fridge so I throat punched the lady from accounting drinking a Pepsi. Then I remembered I brought Dew.
If you are a lazy fat ass riding your "mobility scooter" down the middle of the street, tell me where I can get one of those.
Had to block my wife. I was tired of her asking if that tweet was true or am I just trying to be funny on Twitter
Also the look of disgust
Also the look of disgust
Daughter on toy phone: "Hello, Pizza man? Love ya. Buh bye."
Note to self: get some friends and stop saying 'I love you' to the pizza guy.
Note to self: get some friends and stop saying 'I love you' to the pizza guy.
I had a bad day. I need a drink.
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I had a good day. I deserve a drink.
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Blah blah something something. Drink.
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I had a good day. I deserve a drink.
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Blah blah something something. Drink.
Just did dishes with no expectations for sex afterward.
Because marriage isn't about doing things for reward.
(I hope I get sex)
Because marriage isn't about doing things for reward.
(I hope I get sex)
Ate a breast cancer awareness cookie. I love breast cancer! What? Oh right. I HATE breast cancer!
Whatever, just keep the cookies coming.
Whatever, just keep the cookies coming.
My super power is the ability to drive just fast enough or slow enough to keep you from changing lanes and look like I'm adjusting the radio
Facebook: "Had a great day with wonderful family/friends today."
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Twitter: "Had a great day masturbating."
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Twitter: "Had a great day masturbating."
When I get a star for a tweet about something my son did/said, I tell him.
Then he tells people "I got a star on twitter!"
Just like his dad
Then he tells people "I got a star on twitter!"
Just like his dad
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