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Dear USA, during a time of austerity, its a bad idea to elect a rich white guy to run your country. Trust us, we know.
Signed The UK
Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV
Me:" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?"
Mum: "Just to make sure"
V For Vendetta: becomes more like a documentary every time I watch it
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" Public Enemy
My boss said I had "doormat" tendencies & I need to "assert" myself. HR tells me the disciplinary will be held as soon as he's discharged
Just seen my future self in Tesco. An old lady emptying all of the reduced meat into a trolley with contained 6 bottles of gin. I said "Hi"
When I left work, the Seniors Tea Dance was playing Jayne County "If You Don't Want To Fuck Me Baby, Fuck Off" On the organ & Kazoo
Me: Pass my bra please
Hubs: *weeeoooo, ak ak ak zooom* Bandits at 12 o'clock Skipper
Me: Take. It. Off. Your. Head
I tried to weigh my breasts once. Not allowed back at Sainsbury's fruit and veg department without my Probation Officer ever again