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Dear USA, during a time of austerity, its a bad idea to elect a rich white guy to run your country. Trust us, we know.
Signed The UK
Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV
Me:" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?"
Mum: "Just to make sure"
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" Public Enemy
Just seen my future self in Tesco. An old lady emptying all of the reduced meat into a trolley with contained 6 bottles of gin. I said "Hi"
Me: Pass my bra please
Hubs: *weeeoooo, ak ak ak zooom* Bandits at 12 o'clock Skipper
Me: Take. It. Off. Your. Head
I tried to weigh my breasts once. Not allowed back at Sainsbury's fruit and veg department without my Probation Officer ever again
Why are we looking at, admittedly cute cats on the Internet, while the rich & powerful perform a fucking con trick. Somebody organise!
Husband has placed a "mystery" present under the tree. It is board game shaped & rattles when shaken. I hope Cartier do fucking board games
I'm in a purple paisley maxi dress making Duck a l'Orange. I am one bottle of Blue Nun away from being Margot from The Good Life.
The crowds of mourners are literally 1's deep along the route. I've seen a bigger turn out on bin day
Moms. When you ask your child if everything is ready for school the next morning & they say yes, get them to sign something