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Dear USA, during a time of austerity, its a bad idea to elect a rich white guy to run your country. Trust us, we know.
Signed The UK
Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV
Me:" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?"
Mum: "Just to make sure"
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" Public Enemy
Just seen my future self in Tesco. An old lady emptying all of the reduced meat into a trolley with contained 6 bottles of gin. I said "Hi"
Me: Pass my bra please
Hubs: *weeeoooo, ak ak ak zooom* Bandits at 12 o'clock Skipper
Me: Take. It. Off. Your. Head
I'm in a purple paisley maxi dress making Duck a l'Orange. I am one bottle of Blue Nun away from being Margot from The Good Life.
Husband has placed a "mystery" present under the tree. It is board game shaped & rattles when shaken. I hope Cartier do fucking board games
The crowds of mourners are literally 1's deep along the route. I've seen a bigger turn out on bin day
Moms. When you ask your child if everything is ready for school the next morning & they say yes, get them to sign something
There is a bottle of gin, whispering seductively to me from the kitchen. He wants me to grab him roughly by the neck & take his top off.
Been thinking about unicorns........no, I'm wrong. I've been thinking about big, hard cocks.