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  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Gift @Lamplified Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 730
    • FAVS
    fillthevacuumtealbluejaysralignikstylesPatWallacejustwanttobeme3redpawn3SondraDeeMe
    • 398
    • RETWEETS
    fillthevacuumtealbluejayiSlut_MrTallPaul1GrumpyBahrVirgoSherryRazor_Reborn__E_lok44
    Katurdays__ButtonsPusher____
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    you can usually tell based on the number of pillows on a woman's bed if she's crazy.

    • 594
    • FAVS
    fillthevacuumnikstyleska_mwanajane_botredpawn3SondraDeeMeWhoopdeedoo22simply_carrot
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    fillthevacuumsimply_carrotTwiterHeroNoWii82VirgoSherryJenPark1219sincerely_pearlosoplain
    VirgoSherryInkdhawaiianchopper4jkinmynewskinHeyitsLori
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    i just did some push-ups. they were actually failed attempts at getting up from the floor, but they count.

    • 544
    • FAVS
    Bradthemailmandianna92345fillthevacuumSondraDeeMeWhoopdeedoo22DearAbbySimonptoups78CubanB1987
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    fillthevacuumDearAbbySimonMiniwheats2012jrb_85JulesC70jnrbtsn__________theMorganHolmestumblrtxtpsts
    daplusk
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Twitter is scrapbooking for alcoholics.

    • 420
    • FAVS
    CursitivityChipKellysBallsfillthevacuumDearAbbySimonBamKnoxlovealwayslacyxbabygurl007x__Miniwheats2012
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    Cursitivityfillthevacuumxbabygurl007x__Miniwheats2012dumpgirlzmae_hemmJizzeemotoDownFrontArtist
    chopper4jk_Friday_XIIIStephenBCramer__
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    My favorite sex tape is duct.

    • 427
    • FAVS
    Kenblazedfillthevacuumnikstylessmokeymccheefocarriebas111officersexxxyrldavis1969westcoastphinz
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    fillthevacuumBitterBeerFace9The_GetawayGirljenp33333GetongaclosefarhereWayne_Bruce_Nahdude83
    the_anastasiaNorthernMagic____
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    You'd think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.

    • 374
    • FAVS
    dianna92345fillthevacuumWhoopdeedoo22jenp33333DearAbbySimonbeatricemugCubanB1987Miniwheats2012
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirlfillthevacuumjenp33333Miniwheats2012bullitt6454lorip33Fernyloveyoubreadman13wjs
    rendezbooze______
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    "I want something we can put on people's heads that will signify to the world they are an idiot." -bluetooth inventor.

    • 327
    • FAVS
    dianna92345fillthevacuumjan_rtrharryhashtaggerJakkobWainTLchDer367lillyvgpMiniwheats2012
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    fillthevacuummal_reneemaly93JakkobWainMiniwheats2012JulesC70jnrbtsn__________IEatChawal
    007Rex_Inc
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Whenever I'm looking for my keys I secretly hope I don't find Jesus.

    • 326
    • FAVS
    nikstylesjnrbtsn__________IEatChawaldrunkNnaughtyfavamp__MonaJean84__LexiedeadpoolHumanGlowStyk
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    IEatChawalLexiedeadpooltumblrtxtpstsaaronupMs612__Twitmytweetiesjoshimitsu96benerdist
    DickensnycNorthernMagic____
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    If you've never used a twizzler as a straw consider yourself dead to me.

    • 300
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonjnrbtsn__________MacKoolioIEatChawaldrunkNnaughtyfavamp__MonaJean84__BillyandGinja
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    TwitmytweetiesAdrianYoung10RandomRamblrohcountryroadspdxjohnny99scottthetwat______marcia_beeJanelivecrew
    FreeDriftwood
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Does this microwaved meal make me look single? How about the fact that I had to wash a fork to eat it?

    • 277
    • FAVS
    Miniwheats2012DearAbbySimonFrancisJGordenbklynmike3protolaliajnrbtsn__________MacKoolioIEatChawal
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    bullitt6454fitty06MissRachaelJoyjnrbtsn__________IEatChawalHeroineAddictselenajmittonaaronup
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    I hate when I turn off my computer then remember I haven't masturbated yet.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    nikstylesjenp33333CrackedIllusionjrb_85fitty06DominicStrawMissRachaelJoybrianbowman73
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    RambleOfaReeferfitty06jnrbtsn__________masonic_templeHeroineAddictMonaJean84__kateofumbartumblrtxtpsts
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Liquor store clerk: "That's enough alcohol to kill a person."

    Me: "Lol, a normal person maybe."

    • 236
    • FAVS
    jnrbtsn__________MacKoolioIEatChawal1911Fan1fugee37clintgildrunkNnaughtyfavamp__
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    jacobsfriends35drunkNnaughtyQueefTornadoBilll92495674__Edie_Is_DeadmsrojacksTwitmytweetiesdb_rockafella
    scottthetwat______
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    A panic room is just a section of your bathroom floor where you lay in the fetal position and hold yourself while you cry, right?

    • 268
    • FAVS
    BardenMscydnizoiZirconpartial__heartlessliePaulliwagMiniwheats2012nikstylesjnrbtsn__________
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    cydnizoiZirconpartial__heartlesslieNasir_xy__SumbodyShootMeMiniwheats2012MadDamMusicMs612__
    BelvAndBourb
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    If you're falling, just say fuck it and swan dive that shit.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22RambleOfaReefer420blankman__angelamweber__jnrbtsn__________sierralarsenIEatChawaldrunkNnaughty
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__IEatChawalMonaJean84__aaronupjenp33333Ms612__OmarKhyamiamNeuronicism
    leftys_corner
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    You'd think we would be able to charge our phones on the power of a woman's sigh alone by now.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    jkstillslaurayocomCloeDawnwhrthebrainrots__moody_blxashlar36MobergMrPrimal_Attitude
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    benittto8lordeandsaviorFavstar250whrthebrainrots__breadman13wjsMobergMrjnrbtsn__________MonSwanson
    AdornedChaos__
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    What's that word for when you have too much human social interaction? Homicidal, yeah that's it.

    • 241
    • FAVS
    jnrbtsn__________drunkNnaughtyfavamp__MonaJean84__jenp33333ConorMWalshmrt1mCrackedIllusion
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    Ms612__TwitmytweetiesHmSafiyahardnosehighwayKansas_loveGlamorusGranselim_AurorArorua9
    silent_musings
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    I blame alcohol for most of my followers.

    • 245
    • FAVS
    jnrbtsn__________MacKoolioB0nrMunkyAronMorrisdrunkNnaughtyfavamp__MonaJean84__EarthsChairman____
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    drunkNnaughtyjenp33333xMdmadaMxrosemarybreadCrissyFlorencia__TwitmytweetiesAdrianYoung10thisislizz
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    Do not mix with alcohol warnings are just adorable.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    MVamptressGetongahazelmotes1KartikDharFrameworkAutocoChrissiPerrouxopenchakraNahdude83
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    MVamptressGetongaNahdude83djulie1960_whatever88______NickyValentineCharsiBhangiJenny4ashley
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    I put on my pants just like everyone else. Only when the doorbell rings.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    nikstylesTheShakeMeisterMjChanskiHiddleDeeDeeprotolaliatweetJill22jnrbtsn__________MacKoolio
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    bullitt6454MjChanskiHiddleDeeDeejnrbtsn__________Ms612__WineyBeach78______teafani_xo__BaileyCram
    not_liberal
  • Lamplified
      failure @Lamplified

    If you love something set it free. Unless it's nachos, never let go of your nachos.

    • 186
    • FAVS
    jnrbtsn__________brandywine669IEatChawaldrunkNnaughtyCharmandBrainsatanenhausfavamp___whatever88______
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    favamp__Maroshia_whatever88______VelvetLolalawstafricanQueefTornado420blankman__Ms612__
    garrettn
@Lamplified

@Lamplified

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