@LaughingJess' (Jessica Wekenman) most faved Tweets...
hey asshole, riding my ass is not going to make me drive any faster. Can't you see I'm typing on my phone?
9
Kanye West...would like to interrupt your Twitter stream to tell you that Beyonce should have won best female video at the VMA's...
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After digging in your ass for an hour, don't bite your fingernails. At the very least, make sure no one is watching you. Thanks, Audience
4
On Facebook, I liked your status, and now 25 comments later, I'm hating myself for liking your status.
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I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay's
night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay's
3
I had to call in sick. It was embarassing having to tell my boss I have anal glaucoma. Meaning, I cannot see my ass going in to work today!
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
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having a positive attitude will not solve all of your problems, but you'll annoy enough people making it worth the effort.
2
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
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Just to clarify, I don't hate going to work so much, it's just the eight hour wait to go home that kills me!
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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
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Gandhi walked barefoot which gave him callused feet. He ate so little making him frail, with his odd diet, he had bad breath. This made him.
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