I know Karate...and like 2 other Japanese words

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute

Seen on bumper sticker: Ass -- the other vagina

Men: no shirt, no service. Women: no shirt, free drinks

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

How can I miss you when you won't go away?

So, how do you throw away a trash can anyway?!?!

Great minds drink alike!

An optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says it is half empty. I'm a realist. I say, "Who's been drinking out of my cup?"

Wanna have fun? Go to the drive thru at Kentucky Fried Chicken--ask, "How large are your breasts?"

He who laughs last didn't get it.

My allergies are killing me. Throat is so tight I can't swallow. My boyfriend is crying....

I complained to my husband that we don't do enough together...his new idea "Topless Trampoline Tuesday." Thanks baby, you're so romantic!!

Ive decided to give up punctuation for Lent

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't...hunt it down and kill it

Wherever you go, there you are

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

At my house, we offer body piercing by Glock

Montreal --> It's like France without all the annoying French people

It's been raining for 3 days straight....Oh crap, crap, CRAP! "Build an ark" must have been on that to-do list I dropped in the toilet!!