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There's nothing more confusing than dating someone who's stable enough to tell you "have fun tonight!" without being sarcastic.
Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won't open.
Probably best power point presentation about farmers I've ever seen.
*Mitt Romney descends from ceiling holding a lantern*
Shouldn’t the Superdome staff be used to having thousands of people packed in with no power?
Is she just gonna act like Austin powers never happened
The 49ers Chris Culliver said he wouldn't want a gay player on his team. He then got back to work chasing men around in spandex capri pants.
Have fun tonight! But don't forget 9/11.
Fuck commas and other pretentious punctuation just fuck them they really think they're so goddamn necessary what bullshit wow this is a long
I was so happy at the end of Sex & The City when Carrie could stop horsing around and found a stable man.
They show the T-mobile girl ride a motorcycle to a helicopter but the one thing they never show is her successfully making a phone call.
Pretty excited for Facebook's new feature! Looks like I'll be pulling more personal info off the site! Awesome! The Future! Youth!
If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell.
When Taylor Swift gets a new boyfriend, do you think she has that surprised "I get to date a new guy? Me? Oh my gosh!" look on her face?
White House responds to petition to build a Death Star https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/isnt-petition-response-youre-looking …
MALE CELEBRITIES: Protect yourselves. Taylor Swift is loose again.
And she's as thirsty as ever.
I hope Scott Pilgrim never has to fight all of Taylor Swift’s exes.
MATT DAMON stars as MURT DURMAN in the blockbuster hit MERT DJAMOM directed by BERN AFFLACK.
Hey Autocorrect, I promise no matter where life takes me or what I may be doing, I will rarely ever be using the word "duck."
Spoiler alert: Women love sex too. You're just making them feel awkward about it.