I haven't slept on a futon in over ten years -- they really have come a long way. comfy futons for all!!

just because one person didn't love you enough doesn't mean you are unloveable

I follow some sick mothers on twitter. And I'm not talking about you girls with babies either. Zomg *washes eyeballs*

hey twitter, my secret was my husband is HOME from Iraq!!!! *does happy dance*

I don't wanna pack bc it means vacation's over. call the wahhhhmbulance.

well I just puked at work.

on the day after our 5th year anniversary I can tell you that I'm carrying me & T's 5th child. we are really hoping to bring this baby home.

hey @twitter, you can cool it with the emails. I do this thing where if I wanna know "what's happening on twitter" I check my feed.

apparently I've restored my system to a date when my computer didn't work

@photosforfido our new shelter pup came to his forever home on Mother’s Day! pic.twitter.com/ozsy01QORo

PSA: go get a drink of water you're probably dehydrated

we've pretty much been mainlining cookies since last night

Say what you want about my medical history, but I fucking rock at filling out forms.

omg firefox isn't working and IE is. everything I know is a lie.

Just like that I realized I have a lot of pent up anger & frustration directed at molecular gastronomists. Its a good thing I'm in therapy.

I did just buy myself a Mother’s Day gift & I suggest u do the same! if you don’t have kids chances are you’ve been a mom figure to someone

if you haven't read the Spoon Theory, please do. it may help you understand chronic pain a bit better. http://t.co/coln5ShE

my body: omfg okay we may b dying is it possible u were jumped into a gang without your knowledge? did you see any grenades?

if there are this many porn bots people must be clicking on those links. stop it!! porn is free. use your damn search bar, lazy.

new rule on wwf: you must know the definition of word you're using. I reserve the right to enforce and or take away points as I see fit.