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To my current husband,
When I preface a statement with, "One of us needs to...". Please know that, one of us, is you. Thanks.
If I lick it, it's mine.
Hubs says I speak in tweet now...
I hashtagged him with a hot fork, flashed my boobs and walked away.
Please pass me the parenting magazine. I need to roll it up and smack a tween with it.
Don't look down at someone unless you're helping them up.
Gotta go, the kids have chewed thru the duct tape again.
Day drinking?! Yes, because happy should not be limited to an hour.
You can't fix me...I'm broken exactly how I want to be.
I'm big on handing out stars & RT's.. You know why.. Because they don't cost me money & it makes you smile. That's worth a lot in this life.
I have to value your opinion in order for you to offend me. Nice try though.
Seriously, just star this and validate my existence.
I don't want to be your friend. I want to fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again.
I would love if you tied me up. Then I could succumb to my laziness without guilt.
It's all about perspective.
Sooo, I've been studying your tweets. What they're telling me is I'm a little less crazy than you.
Is it really possible to be a twitter whore?! I call BS.
This is really interactive masturbation at most.
I'm willing to let you ruin my life.
That should definitely be added to wedding vows.
Haven't written a decent tweet in days. My kids really need to step up their game.
If RT's bother you, my day is really gonna piss you off.
I'm not a big acct but, I think y'all are some of the funniest, most insightful, talented groups of degenerates I've ever not really met. <3
If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.
Holdin' pocket aces. YES, @FahQimIrish has permission to put his pirate flag here. No squatters allowed. Hey! Found the door. Are you still here?! Buh-Bye