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@Lilykily's (Mischieveous ) most faved Tweets...
Lilykily
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Accidentally sent a picture of my boobs to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
"Strap on" is "no parts" backwards."
@Lilykily
Lilykily
The most successful pickup line ever? "Does this smell like chloroform?"
@Lilykily
Lilykily
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Is bored. Gonna go over to Barnes and Noble and put all the bibles in the fiction section. BRB.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
The word "Autumn" translates into Latin meaning, "Death is coming. Here is a rake."
@Lilykily
Lilykily
He said: I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it……. She said: You wear pants don’t you?
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Are blowjobs like flowers for men?
@Lilykily
Lilykily
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
I wish I had a sarcasm font.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
The pain you feel after an injury is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus. AMIRITE?
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Lie. Lay. Laid. Lie. Leave.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
You say potato, I say vodka.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Why do bulimics love KFC? Because it comes with a bucket.


Buh dum bum.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Mention the word "cleavage" and chances are, any man in ear shot will turn to look.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
Old is always fifteen years from now.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
I am not even going to bother putting this 12 pack in the fridge.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
If you ever get the sudden Urge to run around naked,
You should sniff some Windex first.
It'll keep you from streaking.
@Lilykily
Lilykily
I bought this wheelbarrow, and the tire on it says "not for highway
use". Great. Now what the hell am I going to do with it?
@Lilykily
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