My son just told me he thinks my life sucks because I work all the time. I think he is saying he will still be living with me when he is 30

Ha ha!!!! pic.twitter.com/D2yIa56L

Called a family meeting to explain to my kids what a trash can is and how to use it. Tomorrow's meeting- how to use a hanger.

I am ready for the end of the world party.

You were the first to lie when we were not alright

So my daughter thinks it is funny to call me a crazy ole bat. I think it is funny to remind her that all girls turn into their mothers.

They always say to hunker down in a hurricane. How exactly do you hunker down?

Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it wrong.

I borrowed my son's car today and it warms my heart to see he keeps it in the same condition as his room.

My idea of hurricane prepardness is shaving my legs and shopping at Victorias Secret.

Friends on Facebook are pestering me to join Pinerest. Why?! I get enough of your garbage on Facebook, Linkedin, email, text. Leave me alone

I love the lady in the Life Alert ad who is going to give up beer, wine & bread for Life Alert. Maybe the drinking is why she keeps falling

One day I will be able to do a pull up.

Words are spaces between us.

My son is not happy I woke him up screaming to kill the spider in the shower.

I sure hope this caffeine kicks in soon.

Is it time to drink yet!?

You have to be a contortionist to get your sports bra off when you are sweaty.

If I say I have something important to say don't amuse me by just muting the tv and turning on the closed caption.

What is up with men and their love of bacon?