Any list of the all-time greatest tv characters that doesn't include Boss Hogg is flawed thus rendering it useless

The philosophy of subtweets about non-Twitter users is similar to that of whether a falling tree makes sound if no one's around to hear it.

Quiet, inner child. http://t.co/uV7xvH0h

Closure is something only you can give yourself. Through acceptance.

The truth shall set you free… yes, and tear your heart and soul out.

Nothing is sexier, more dangerous or more exhausting than words. I have a love affair with language, with an alphabet of thought.

Homophobia defined... http://t.co/91bifTyF

I accept that you created a narrative to protect your ego.

We both know the truth.

Wife: Hi.
Me: Hi!
Her: Just called to remind you to give the baby his medicine.
Me: Yep, as soon as we find him..
Her: What!?
Me: Gotta go..

She observes distinctly all the good thing you can do but can destroy you for a single wrong.

- Justice...or a woman.

Bradley, based upon your purchase history, Amazon also recommends you:
1) Seek professional help.
2) See a doctor.
3) Contemplate suicide.

If tequila were a broad I'd go down fighting, but probably marry that wild fucking ruckus.

If you become too focused on not being played for a fool, you'll end up a lonely fool.

If when you touch yourself my face even flickers into your subconscious, I consider that a win.

I like you but not enough to read your blog.

My safe word is "Sooo, umm which Burger King are you the manager of?"

Whiners and complainers: stfu

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...


But it's still on the list.

#ThingsBetterThanTheseUmpires getting Jalapeno juice in your urethra tube

To realize it wasn't all that makes me sad but it makes it easier to move on.