@LisaG732's most faved Tweets...
Most all my friends jog or work out regularly, but not me. My mom taught me to avoid peer pressure, and it's made me a more rounded person.
Every time I see a friend's FB update using the word "kidlet" it makes me want to scramble their face like a momlet.
Lasting trust and fidelity is achieved when you've both reached the point of being too embarrassed for anyone else to ever see you naked.
If only I could get *paid* for twittering, then... aw fuck it, then I'd probably hate it, resent it, procrastinate and still call in sick.
Huzz texted he has to pee, but school's in lockdown due to kid w/ kill list. Was it flippant of me to text back "Sounds like urine trouble"?
A better way to phrase every tweet always occurs to me only *after* I've already posted it. A Click-22, if you will.
Each day on my morning walk, two buses pass me. One driver NEVER waves at me; what an ass. The other driver ALWAYS waves to me; what a perv.
For my party invites, I'm thinking "Adults only, please" sounds nicer than "Your screaming runts that broke my shit last year can't come."
New study shows that jeans size is an indicator of one's risk for disease. I interpret this as meaning I have a fat chance of getting sick.
Um, when Twitter came back, both my following & follower counts are down by 1, and I didn't unfollow anyone today. TWITTER KILLED SOMEBODY.
If I spent as much time grooming for my huzz as I do for my gynecologist, we'd probably have sex a lot more often.
Just looked up "assiduity" on dictionary.com; definition: "obsequious solicitude." Next up: finding a synonym for "Fuck you, dictionary.com"
Just called huzz to ask "Is it in yet?" about our new dishwasher. That's the first time I've asked that without him getting all offended.
Neighbor saw me drive by while excitedly waving a fly out the window. He waved back, thinking I was *really* happy to see him. Or psychotic.
Every now and then I spend some quality time with the huzz, and it rekindles my passion. For twitter.
I texted huzz asking "Subs for lunch?" which iPhone changed to "Sins." Poor guy came home expecting a totally different kind of footlong.
My huzz is strictly a meat and potatoes kind of guy. So my attempts in coming up with creative new dishes he'll enjoy are usually fruitless.
This new iPhone voice control either totally sucks or is amazingly smart; I said "play Poison" and it called my mother-in-law.
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