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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    But if I die tomorrow, who will be there to tell my kids, "I told you so"?

    • 123
    • FAVS
    tender_gameJeeepstaSlinkybrowneyesCurly_gurl135SPNNlogicUncleDuke1969melissa_dondaleAGreaterMonster
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    JeeepstaCurly_gurl135OverRitzAGreaterMonsterMentalDV8carole_mulzmjkspeaksCarter_TCB
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    They say you can't keep a good man down but these shackles and chains say otherwise.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    tender_gameJeeepstaPete6901travia67Curly_gurl135SPNNlogicMentalDV8_M1N1
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    ceeucaJeeepstaPete6901Curly_gurl135MentalDV8TlaxBoy05fillthevacuumSteveKoehler22
    DontTouchMyWineT_Bonezzz
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Life goals:
    •Accumulate a house full of shit I don't want or will never use. √
    •Die.

    • 389
    • FAVS
    EVILnSHITSPNNlogicNutellaVPurple_whippedsxydangerousgrllotus_bomb22Bays6479kmh
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    SPNNlogicmanseydollkcirtap11Gotham3MentalDV8carole_mulzevanm555bakedcamembert
    thatdutchperson
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *sets pizza in chair next to me so no one sits there*

    • 336
    • FAVS
    momma0315SPNNlogicNutellaVMentalDV8TlaxBoy05jvesdalestockejockRICKSH0W
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8TlaxBoy05whatsasandiesailormoonie135dafloydsta_SetTheHook_JohnnyNopolisPeaceInTruth1
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You can trust me. Probably.

    • 326
    • FAVS
    SPNNlogicNutellaVMentalDV8jvesdaleReeseButCallMeVJohnnyNopolisangghasaputrosahidaisy
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8crunchenhanced_SetTheHook_ajanninckminnie_in_pink7mizstellarH96Steelers1981Audiocats
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    What they don't tell you, is that stop, drop, and roll is also highly effective when someone asks a question you don't want to answer.

    • 798
    • FAVS
    quantumblissSPNNlogicNutellaVheatlebjorndiclonyuMissmacguffMentalDV8Corey814
    • 560
    • RETWEETS
    SPNNlogicMentalDV8MindBytesPrincessLeannePjanh0vaBrainiax44FentadyWornOutMommy
    SeanEmenyshegotagronkHormonella
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The thing I look most forward to in life is having empty nest syndrome.

    • 534
    • FAVS
    aprilmaywilsonBounse44MentalDV8TlaxBoy05jvesdaleReeseButCallMeVJohnnyNopolisJimboleem
    • 264
    • RETWEETS
    OverRitzTlaxBoy05minnie_in_pink7Thee1_4Ucowboyjeffkentzen_dadOkieGirl4051Bad_Scientist
    blondecalamity
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *mass murders all the speakers already playing holiday music*

    • 264
    • FAVS
    MentalDV8TlaxBoy05jvesdaleReeseButCallMeVJohnnyNopolisJimboleems_cLaN07aveuaskew
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8TlaxBoy05minnie_in_pink7lovemydogduckFavstar250tsm560kittykathy__ndiquote
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Fashion tip: Try wearing something that doesn't draw attention to your flaws. Ya know, like a body bag.

    • 569
    • FAVS
    MentalDV8TlaxBoy05ReeseButCallMeVJohnnyNopolisJimboleems_cLaN07ericsshadowFaustslaughter
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8NolaChef504abbie_tuckTlaxBoy05ReeseButCallMeVJohnnyNopolisbreatheandlovevexroid
    VodkantotsthetobbieDontTouchMyWine
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes two people just don't want the same things. Like he wants to spend all his time with me and I want him to die in a fire.

    • 699
    • FAVS
    NutellaVrogue_dead_guyDiveInsideMindsPamsta67sidstir27spaghettillidavidhoffnerivdidorize
    • 376
    • RETWEETS
    Pamsta67OkieGirl405rohit5k2maunyejessica_woodssdavidhoffnerivspaghettilliRuffbinta
    LuckoftheDraw86
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Looks like one of my new born kittens has been eaten by its mother.

    Wish I'd thought of that when I had kids.

    • 357
    • FAVS
    MentalDV8scottbeairstoJimboleems_cLaN07archerenemyminnie_in_pink7T_BonezzzGo2Slp
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8scottbeairstoarcherenemyminnie_in_pink7T_BonezzzGo2SlplovemydogduckJbuchan1969
    AlexvanBeek
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Like any responsible adult, I write my name and phone number on all the labels of my beer bottles in case one gets lost or stolen.

    • 363
    • FAVS
    jadynb961MentalDV8JimboleemDonSchankeSleazySliT_Bonezzzs_cLaN07EasyE_Coli
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8Carter_TCBT_BonezzzarcherenemycrazeedayEasyE_ColiPuchynatorminnie_in_pink7
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    "Man, you're just and accident waiting to happen"
    -What?
    *pushes him downstairs*
    "OOPS"

    • 342
    • FAVS
    sahidaisyJimboleemDonSchankegreggoodman77blacksarah1113T_Bonezzzs_cLaN07Giddythefuckup
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    sahidaisyCarter_TCBT_Bonezzzminnie_in_pink7tsm560Darren_MirandandiquoteSmooheed
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    He said I'd be the death of him, and for once... he was right.

    • 424
    • FAVS
    MentalDV8raachKKJimboleemDonSchankeDosieDoeT_Bonezzzs_cLaN07CinEckCri
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8Carter_TCBT_Bonezzzs_cLaN07vexroidGiddythefuckuptsm560SteveKoehler22
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If hearts were made to be broken then so were faces.

    • 578
    • FAVS
    NutellaVMentalDV8raachKKFRANKSTALICIOUSJimboleemDosieDoeT_Bonezzzs_cLaN07
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8raachKKT_Bonezzztsm560paulablu22tanznight_coursouvraTmoney68
    candace_9871HumorParasite
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Liquor that looks like water is why I have trust issues.

    • 567
    • FAVS
    MentalDV8sextmelongtime6AndreaMiklaszdafloydstaaveuaskewJimboleemdjr_102SleazySli
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    MentalDV8sextmelongtime6AndreaMiklaszdafloydstaminnie_in_pink7JonnyKoolerT_Bonezzzcarolcat040800
    paulablu22M3lissaMcDonald
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I Know What You Did Last Summer:
    *pulls up your Twitter page*

    • 436
    • FAVS
    NutellaVMentalDV8semple42dafloydstaJimboleemSleazySlis_cLaN07Rocket_Gamera
    • 220
    • RETWEETS
    NutellaVMentalDV8dafloydstaThee1_4UarcherenemyMrVersitynjegz_CaribbePirate76
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I have had a few bullshit jobs in my life, but parenting has got to be the bullshittiest of them all. I want a raise.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    Creamed_potatoMentalDV8sanityinabottleheartme247B_ShaftoeBigdaddymriaddihatesamishFreddy_Mash
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    Creamed_potatoMentalDV8Julius__PringlemickybloreaveuaskewJonnyKoolerfsuflores1_swarthy_dude
    CherBear162
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Let's grow mold together...
    -all the food in my fridge

    • 449
    • FAVS
    themacminduber_chameleonWhosYourVaderMkbtiDiveInsideMindsBadLuckPriieSumit_xP__ConleyPerry
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    luvcalvin9DiveInsideMindsnaveeniiumSumit_xP__deezybitchhhbrain_omenjnicky63bandito_frito
    SamuelHLowe
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    First day of emoji rehab...
    -How do you feel?
    -HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

    • 1,288
    • FAVS
    uccjebBounse44JontheDvlGishuvskiabhichandMsKibatiwarmyellowlightSteveKoehler22
    • 801
    • RETWEETS
    B_OutalineuccjebGishuvskiabhichandkevoice_onume_SteveKoehler22hook8669
    TheAlexPNicholey23SeanEmenyimence2Papa_MexEwans_DadPaperWashUncleDuke1969mattZillaaaanicfit75Alex_N_Chains
@Lisa_Laughs_

@Lisa_Laughs_
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