@shanethevein don't roll them too hard, or they might fall out. :(

@butchhuff are you expecting?! :D

I'm stuck in that awkward stage between murder and suicide.

If you buy a house off Craig's List, it comes with a free serial killer.

If you go without sleep long enough, its like you don't even need acid. Just ask my Pegasus.

Sure you can live in my mind, but don't expect a tour from me. I have no idea what the fuck goes on in there.

Top 3 reasons why I don't like people:
1. They.
2. Keep.
3. Breathing.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think would be 100% better if I never got out of bed.

All you have to do when the Boogieman tries to scare you is challenge him to a dance off.

I have so many men beating down my door. (To get out)

Hahaha that was so funny I almost forgot I wanted to slit your throat.
Almost.

....And these are Days of Our Twitter....

*yawn*

The first solution to motivation is to smoke some weed. Problem solved.

Childhood is too short to make your kids miserable. Its not about you. Let them live.

What you need is an outlet...to stick a knife in...and a really good grip. On that knife.

I just keep telling myself all this hard work will pay off after I die.

If you want to pick up more women, get a bigger vehicle. Like a bulldozer.