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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hate is such a strong word.
    *Hate flexes for a selfie*

    • 102
    • FAVS
    Maxine12333gm_cagejunkyardiganScott_A_GilmoreakaCorbinDallasTheReal_AndyMac_SetTheHook_GoodBadThing
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    Maxine12333nv7281gm_cageScott_A_GilmoreakaCorbinDallas_SetTheHook_GoodBadThingCurtisTyJones1
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes I can't even get my own bra unhooked fast enough, so I get it Fumble Fingers, I get it.

    • 217
    • FAVS
    denimdarlingTheReal_AndyMac_SetTheHook_GoodBadThinggutier_vivianBethanyImmoorMichellerilesMrcbdoubleu
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    _SetTheHook_GoodBadThingcbdoubleuThePund_Itshawn_spree1evilidiotSean_Burgundy_Papa_Mex
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Just saw a man spanking his kids, so being the good person I am, I tried to help. Oh stop, I didn't spank them, I just held them down.

    • 490
    • FAVS
    WhiteRabbitRioGoofyGemini_Earica_graceaddingtonAD_ThePacifistaaguila694SantaHasXpired2Jagershot901
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    NolaChef504AD_ThePacifistSantaHasXpired2Jagershot901shawn_spreeEstone_thinksMANDYLAINEHOBBSJ_ROSE_1
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Being awake this early means I'm either really drunk or really stupid and I'm not really drunk.

    • 329
    • FAVS
    martin_newsoundiinkedZombieCurtisTyJones1gutier_viviantsmile909BDGarpJagershot901Married_Mess
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    Reko14999iinkedZombieCurtisTyJones1corvetteflexYogicRunnerJagershot901ThePund_Itshawn_spree
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Any bed can be your death bed if you stay in it long enough.

    • 929
    • FAVS
    LaurelleMartinNolaChef504Married_Messdirty_romanticMeliiTheEmpressshawn_spreeTonyseedotBrownBoxers
    • 548
    • RETWEETS
    PetiteNuggetNolaChef504shawn_spreeRhythms_n_BoozeBrownBoxersClintArrieskshetri_dhaneshheroinsdemise
    Dawn_M_CherBear162OldUncleDaveOThat_Damn_DuckElKnuckelhombrePencilWalruseliserose5__stockejock
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    But if I die tomorrow, who will be there to tell my kids, "I told you so"?

    • 474
    • FAVS
    NolaChef504motorace177NinjaSweatpantsshawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozekrishna_vanandy_androzOlive_Liver
    • 245
    • RETWEETS
    motorace177NinjaSweatpantsThePund_Itshawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozekrishna_vanadityaaomjollyrobber
    dxblarssonENG
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    They say you can't keep a good man down but these shackles and chains say otherwise.

    • 518
    • FAVS
    VanillaRoadshero_squirrelRhythms_n_BoozeJagershot901shawn_spreekrishna_vanjcyoung56julabell1
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    Jagershot901shawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozekrishna_vanTinaElleryiamwutiam51drayzzePuppetMaster_PA
    _troyjohnsonDontTouchMyWineT_Bonezzz
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Life goals:
    •Accumulate a house full of shit I don't want or will never use. √
    •Die.

    • 576
    • FAVS
    Rhythms_n_BoozeExScholarrodtopiamajordomo365shawn_spreeThe_DAD_Biblekrishna_vanOlive_Liver
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    ThoseVoicesExScholarrodtopiashawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozekiswanth14notstateSmokejones1
    thatdutchperson
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *sets pizza in chair next to me so no one sits there*

    • 491
    • FAVS
    woodlandfaerie7VanillaRoadsIMJeffRaymondshade_teaLifeAsRashaKehKeDengeMarcmywords2dirty_romantic
    • 256
    • RETWEETS
    woodlandfaerie7IMJeffRaymond_monicaelisee_deisyxoxpalomizzleMarcmywords2shawn_spreeRhythms_n_Booze
    illuminatedwndr
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You can trust me. Probably.

    • 481
    • FAVS
    shawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozejollyrobbersilent_musingsruffyoungdanielaf_DFovereaseedrayzze
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    maryoma_ali55shawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozejollyrobberkiswanth14Crown_Me_HOVruffyoungdrayzze
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    What they don't tell you, is that stop, drop, and roll is also highly effective when someone asks a question you don't want to answer.

    • 988
    • FAVS
    Metal_Mixtressktemp__xoshawn_spreeRhythms_n_BoozekinzlaroseJoanStephens9krishna_vanMsGreenGoddess
    • 713
    • RETWEETS
    maruwahnaktemp__xoshawn_spreeRhythms_n_Boozekrishna_vanEssy_dedeNaadhi_BHuliTimes
    SeanEmenyshegotagronkHormonella
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The thing I look most forward to in life is having empty nest syndrome.

    • 610
    • FAVS
    youhaveno_graceshawn_spreekrishna_vanndiquoteEvannOseyeitsmetrbsilent_musingsruffyoung
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    shawn_spreekiswanth14itsmetrbruffyoungPuppetMaster_PA2tickytackylorigonzalez28Just_BCS
    blondecalamity
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Fashion tip: Try wearing something that doesn't draw attention to your flaws. Ya know, like a body bag.

    • 623
    • FAVS
    Cyd10eRSF788amyym_yLifeAsRashaKehKeDengeM_Youngblood14Humor_FetishMarcmywords2
    • 366
    • RETWEETS
    maruwahnaCyd10ePMGOchiengMarcmywords2shawn_spreesmilesnbarbellsitsmetrbPuppetMaster_PA
    VodkantotsthetobbieDontTouchMyWine
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes two people just don't want the same things. Like he wants to spend all his time with me and I want him to die in a fire.

    • 786
    • FAVS
    ILovePropofolBluestmoon_jmzaxOrneryDameJalimarrthepoetknightPineapple_junkLushvalleyPR
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    maruwahnaBluestmoon_OrneryDamethepoetknightMUDDLAWGuzabrahwmuchiz2muchredheadfantasee
    LuckoftheDraw86
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Looks like one of my new born kittens has been eaten by its mother.

    Wish I'd thought of that when I had kids.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    ImanZahra72LifeAsRashaDennisKaymerKehKeDengeHumor_FetishMarcmywords2ericonederfulspence0084
    • 184
    • RETWEETS
    Marcmywords2honeybadgerMelPuppetMaster_PAjust1foolgennatonictom_weiseCPTWonderfuckjake_lach
    AlexvanBeek
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Like any responsible adult, I write my name and phone number on all the labels of my beer bottles in case one gets lost or stolen.

    • 393
    • FAVS
    honeybadgerMelPuppetMaster_PAHallpassCanadaJust_BCS5haelHala_MariaProfoundProfanebadassicorn
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    PuppetMaster_PAJust_BCSndiquoteStabby_smurfJuststopkateTrucking_legenddavid_tullcas511
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    "Man, you're just and accident waiting to happen"
    -What?
    *pushes him downstairs*
    "OOPS"

    • 361
    • FAVS
    DosieDoeDonna_McCoyPuppetMaster_PAHallpassCanadaJust_BCSParentpains4lauracoleyrustygunter
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    honeybadgerMelPuppetMaster_PAJust_BCSrustygunterJuststopkatemackback02Trucking_legendNoSpankYou
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    He said I'd be the death of him, and for once... he was right.

    • 434
    • FAVS
    overeaseePuppetMaster_PAndiquoteHallpassCanadaJust_BCS5haelParentpainsscarletcar21
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    drayzzePuppetMaster_PAJust_BCSscarletcar21ndiquote9589smithJohnVella68ElLuiceman
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If hearts were made to be broken then so were faces.

    • 592
    • FAVS
    PuppetMaster_PAjuking6tjcirimelejust1foolndiquoteHallpassCanadavivalacrapmdr284
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
    PuppetMaster_PAjuking6just1foolJust_BCSscarletcar21ndiquoteTrucking_legendalbywizzy
    candace_9871WillGeorgese
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Liquor that looks like water is why I have trust issues.

    • 597
    • FAVS
    ericonederfulHallpassCanadavivalacrapJust_BCSParentpainsPissedOff911thepoetknightSashaCAiresse
    • 328
    • RETWEETS
    Just_BCSthepoetknightndiquoteSashaCAiresseJayyoCruzTedBundybitchgoldie_427Trucking_legend
    paulablu22MeIissaMcDonald
@Lisa_Laughs_

@Lisa_Laughs_
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I wrote a funny tweet once.

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