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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hey guys, do yourself a favor and say you're sorry before you give her the sex. It won't seem so bad that way. You're welcome.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddesszinni426speknycstangcobraBrokenWeebleem2the_gee5hanersJadedChains
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    JT_IV_em2the_geeTheBoydPWarWithMyMind_SetTheHook_LenLippert1HaciendaSquishslyoung5
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *sneeze*
    Bless you
    *sneeze*
    Bless you
    *sneeze*
    SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!

    • 162
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddessslyoung5GinRumMeVikeeysSecretPeaceInTruth1KalvinMacleodlj_0305TayloreMcElroy
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    PeaceInTruth1TeenRageelj_0305browny102000GrillinChillin9_Mo_lee_MasterOfFuryjergarl
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    A hangover is just your body's way of telling you that you should never stop drinking.

    • 400
    • FAVS
    ShoutingGoddessPeaceInTruth1BeckyArrudasezbertFaithAliQeasybreezy3773dmaco215215potter
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
    bullitt6454FaithAliQkelcbell23215potterGrillinChillin92loony1jergarlMSWard52
    Reverend_Scott
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I could sweep anyone off their feet, but the last time I did, I pulled a muscle so no thanks.

    • 259
    • FAVS
    TrystanT13PeaceInTruth1funnyhowitseemsJessRenardKalvinMacleodTayloreMcElroyGrillinChillin9Cpin42
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    KalvinMacleodGrillinChillin9benittto11GrumpyBahrFavstar250luciboo80tkcoltsfanidigcrazychics
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I think we need to see other people. -Your phone's camera, probably.

    • 537
    • FAVS
    jollyfingerspompfe0DinaTaraziPeaceInTruth1GrillinChillin9JustLikeMikeeYour_HabibiTimmyPumpkin
    • 340
    • RETWEETS
    Gavo13__hottampaDinaTaraziGrillinChillin9carmen11797ThatDangIndianTimmyPumpkintheblondemann
    mattchew81
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Saying "are we there yet?" in a car isn't so bad unless its when you're having sex in it.

    • 433
    • FAVS
    RoughHandedPeaceInTruth1saaleenaassTayloreMcElroysexycosgirlGrillinChillin9Cpin42jacsteederz
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    saaleenaassgillybear_GrillinChillin9meinkampf13_Bad_KarmaGrumpyBahrtkcoltsfanminnie_in_pink7
    CYComedy
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Her: I'm not the same girl I used to be.

    Me: 67 cosmetic surgeries really changes a person.

    Her: ...

    Me: Oh, and counseling.

    • 299
    • FAVS
    PeaceInTruth1Cpin42GrumpyBahrMindBytessbellamiaidigcrazychicsjunejuly12breatheandlove
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    GrumpyBahrsbellamiaidigcrazychicsSteveSuckingtond2BMcGknot_eyeMasterOfFuryjinkee
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You know what I like about you? No? Yeah, me either.

    • 481
    • FAVS
    PeaceInTruth1NicoleroxxuGrillinChillin9One_FineMessCpin42TayloreMcElroysfcpyroIsIsConfined
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Arhy_TectGrillinChillin9sfcpyroAniaHalasehDuncan_KETheDanielleRockMissySandyPantsPaulyPavillain
    DontTouchMyWine
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    DON'T YOU PEOPLE EVER SHUT UP?!?!
    No? Okay, continue...

    • 359
    • FAVS
    Cpin42LeagueofJohn_cGrumpyBahrMindBytesslearmanminnie_in_pink7idigcrazychicsbreatheandlove
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    1_0_BabaGrumpyBahrminnie_in_pink7idigcrazychicsd2BMcGStabby_smurf_BlueEyed_DevilGuyThe_Guy
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    LOL at couples that have to "ask permission" to do something!
    *asks cat if I can get up*

    • 863
    • FAVS
    SDPlissken1vladchoc_Miss_Caralrlove82ericsshadowhepkatvanndelgado410grubi
    • 480
    • RETWEETS
    hayar321321aslrlove82SherpaWhaletoxickitten01TheDairylandDonGrumpyBahr709M3LMFOFL
    SteveSuckingtonReeseButCallMeVmkpaulsenWoodyLuvsCoffeedinokitten
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Daughter 1: YOU'RE SUCH A WHORE!
    Daughter 2: YO MAMA!
    Me: HAHAHA SHE CALLED YOUR MOM A.....

    HEYYYYY! YOU'RE BOTH GROUNDED!

    • 402
    • FAVS
    ginnyrusseBY1959GrumpyBahridigcrazychicsbreatheandlovesamalmightysamaveuaskewTheSnideOne
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    BY1959GrumpyBahridigcrazychicsd2BMcGMasterOfFurymichaelmtz211TheAlexNevilKizerBillhelm
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I had pizza for lunch and I didn't even tell anyone about it. Oh wait.

    • 380
    • FAVS
    un1xphyscowhiskey_teacupopenchakraMindBytessbellamiairishriley68InsistentLoveridigcrazychics
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    whiskey_teacupsbellamia_whatever88idigcrazychicssweetg35treydaywayd2BMcGFuzzy_sue
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Flowers are a great Valentine's gift because you can watch them die as fast as your relationship.

    • 606
    • FAVS
    breatheandloveJMEDOLZsamalmightysamviolet_heartinToken_Geezeremceejdavromegad2BMcG
    • 282
    • RETWEETS
    emceejdavromegad2BMcGFresherBoy512tym_lynnemrtruthandsoulCYComedyticknada
    EricGoldie65_electraglide
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.

    • 687
    • FAVS
    HashtagPuppiesTheDairylandDonNav12TreepertyuglybreatheandlovecaitlinnallenJulesC70nvondraatmsu
    • 412
    • RETWEETS
    HashtagPuppiesGoodBadThingcaitlinnallenJulesC70SkinnieTallsVickee44LoKarloFartTheDamnShery
    FeelingMervisCpin42_whatever88TeflonPawnthedayofthedotStupidSophia_
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *brushes teeth with toes just to have something to tweet about*

    • 382
    • FAVS
    TheDairylandDonbreatheandlovesamalmightysamTheSnideOned2BMcGFuzzy_sueMrNickJCJermHimselfish
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    d2BMcGCYComedyParentpainsenigmatericsLosLos__close_cDOPE_Clauderuffyoung
    fastmofobansheeuseful_wagon
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I would like to take a minute to thank all of you for being with me through this difficult time. Being bored at work is hard.

    • 701
    • FAVS
    breatheandlovesamalmightysamviolet_heartinTheSnideOneemceejd2BMcGakarmuttkentgrossarth
    • 351
    • RETWEETS
    d2BMcGFuzzy_sueStayGoldenGurlCYComedyticknadaInkedRamblingsWastedTime240NueroGmail
    DBMaxPJT_IV_
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet so now my cats wear tap shoes.

    • 624
    • FAVS
    TheDairylandDonMindBytesbreatheandlovesamalmightysamWildeThingyScrambledMceggsFuzzy_sueMirth_Quake
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    ms_reniyMasterOfFuryFuzzy_sueb_strong88ticknadaBrittanyBruningHello_BellaSheamusogrady
    JimmerThatisAllKalvinMacleod
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    This joke format is just a regular joke format but even more overused.

    • 346
    • FAVS
    MindBytesbreatheandlovesamalmightysamTBreultreydaywaymomma0315illuminatedwndrcowans_owen
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    treydaywayVN_Rubenilluminatedwndrd2BMcGVodkantotsenigmatericsFuzzy_sueticknada
    illuminatedwndrtwayne1010Sal0630
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Cop: Did that guy smell like weed?
    Me: Its probably me.
    Cop: That's ok then. Everyone needs to relax.
    Me: I KNOW, RIGHT?
    Cop: Come with me

    • 341
    • FAVS
    breatheandlovesamalmightysamCruisnKurtSgtBlueEyesmomma0315crosscomicbook6ragazziFeenohmenal
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    sweetg35illuminatedwndrd2BMcGticknadaOrthietweetsclose_cDOPE_ClaudeJay_FrickinLynn
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Bro hard or bro home, bro.

    • 611
    • FAVS
    TMWrenchLoveNWardrobeJimCorrigan_scrbblrjffSnarferninijunkyard_jakeWineyBeach78______whiskey_teacup
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    SnarferniniWineyBeach78______whiskey_teacupEmmaKemp_madeintexas214treydaywayd2BMcGticknada
@Lisa_Laughs_

@Lisa_Laughs_
Pro

I wrote a funny tweet once.