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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *sets pizza in chair next to me so no one sits there*

    • 147
    • FAVS
    MWaseem22ScarsFourEyesshanetheveinBoleyngirlyAphotic_DemiseTheBoydPnotstateHurly_Burly
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    MWaseem22ScarsFourEyesBoleyngirlyTheBoydPbzswirl1notstatetsm560SaradigmShift
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You can trust me. Probably.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    omarmoheb1Hurly_Burlyjemcro22beersudsTheMe0wtenboldtsm560Thateverydayguy
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar250tsm560muthenya___JustBea_I_Disdainmomma0315Ssrana07Ranakittykathy__
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    What they don't tell you, is that stop, drop, and roll is also highly effective when someone asks a question you don't want to answer.

    • 638
    • FAVS
    AndreaC242notstatetsm560Fairynuffsdavid_tullSteveKoehler22SassyChantelleHere4CoolAid
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560david_tullBrookeShead1_swarthy_dudeSteveKoehler22SassyChantelleSchantzlawBoobzAndBrainz
    SeanEmenyshegotagronkHormonella
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The thing I look most forward to in life is having empty nest syndrome.

    • 507
    • FAVS
    tsm560Awk0TacooSteveKoehler22AKRees_xoxBeer4AGoodTimephilandher96LatticeneckJohnSchantzlaw
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    ClareClarrice14tsm560SteveKoehler22Beer4AGoodTimephilandher96LatticeneckJohnSchantzlawFavstar500Favs
    blondecalamity
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *mass murders all the speakers already playing holiday music*

    • 252
    • FAVS
    J_Osborne4HeyZeus666tsm560MindAbortionsSageVkeykittykathy__TerseLiltsSchantzlaw
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar250tsm560kittykathy__ndiquotePapa_Mexpaulablu22james_wypychXLCadillac
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Fashion tip: Try wearing something that doesn't draw attention to your flaws. Ya know, like a body bag.

    • 554
    • FAVS
    tsm560MindAbortionsTerseLiltsSpatula8MissNaughty1801Awk0TacoobabslilbitSchantzlaw
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560SaradigmShiftndiquoteSchantzlawPapa_Mexpeterbutler17paulablu22cheriepjr
    VodkantotsthetobbieDontTouchMyWine
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes two people just don't want the same things. Like he wants to spend all his time with me and I want him to die in a fire.

    • 644
    • FAVS
    ItsAllCrazyToMecandidartichoketenboldtsm560lantenengoGelatin_CyborgLin_BakerMamaPeachyKeen
    • 343
    • RETWEETS
    candidartichoketenboldtsm560Gelatin_CyborgKrystalVengenceSchantzlawPapa_MexShaneGilliatt
    LuckoftheDraw86
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Looks like one of my new born kittens has been eaten by its mother.

    Wish I'd thought of that when I had kids.

    • 347
    • FAVS
    chicnlil1PennerBrianJbuchan1969tsm560TimToolman1958SchantzlawSayhikristyPapa_Mex
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    Jbuchan1969tsm560SchantzlawSayhikristyPapa_MexjdforshortryangriffithsOrWasIt
    AlexvanBeek
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Like any responsible adult, I write my name and phone number on all the labels of my beer bottles in case one gets lost or stolen.

    • 349
    • FAVS
    TheMe0wtsm560lostandfoundtagryangriffithspaulablu22EdgarAllenShidSoo_ScandaloussPankajK86
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    TheMe0wMs_ShanRocktsm560ryangriffithsSoo_ScandaloussPankajK86SabotagedSmokeCoronaBoner
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    "Man, you're just and accident waiting to happen"
    -What?
    *pushes him downstairs*
    "OOPS"

    • 337
    • FAVS
    TheMe0wDearAbbySimontsm560TabneriumMindAbortionsWittyHendrix1dirtydeedryangriffiths
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560Darren_MirandandiquoteSmooheedRichHarris2SupafunkadunkaGrimLady013Sal0630__
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    He said I'd be the death of him, and for once... he was right.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    tenboldtsm560SteveKoehler22clumsyballerinakettmannbear1WornOutMommyjane_snowbaljamisondg1
    • 233
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560SteveKoehler22kettmannbear1Thee1_4UWornOutMommyBillDavis1516jdforshortryangriffiths
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If hearts were made to be broken then so were faces.

    • 569
    • FAVS
    CelebYouTaunttsm560ginaod1066youdaguyryangriffithssingingdoves13paulablu22Donnie_Fairburn
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560paulablu22tanznight_coursouvraTmoney68SabotagedSmoketreydaywayminnie_in_pink7
    candace_9871HumorParasite
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Liquor that looks like water is why I have trust issues.

    • 550
    • FAVS
    Denise_Feruninotstatetsm560LaniBenogwadehunterDorothyHurrellnrveroel_duderino8184
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560el_duderino8184BoblawBlizzyNinjaTHaiiIsisIrisimawakethatUPSdudejustfine_elizeSoul_Of_Evan
    paulablu22M3lissaMcDonald
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I Know What You Did Last Summer:
    *pulls up your Twitter page*

    • 424
    • FAVS
    ryangriffithsDonnie_FairburnSoo_ScandaloussDan_NemethHormonellahappylilglowLoveNLunchmeatdobinsonlauren
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyMrVersitynjegz_CaribbePirate76EVILnSHITjamie_kerkhofJaywoo74blank_beyond
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I have had a few bullshit jobs in my life, but parenting has got to be the bullshittiest of them all. I want a raise.

    • 457
    • FAVS
    Donnie_FairburnJustLikeMikeeJamieGreenleesSoo_Scandaloussdeirdre13579fsufloresawescarlemmywinkler
    • 200
    • RETWEETS
    fsuflores1_swarthy_dudeRohitKohli236PetrickSaraloudmouth_usadrayzzeMoe_Lee_velweb
    CherBear162
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Let's grow mold together...
    -all the food in my fridge

    • 433
    • FAVS
    ryangriffithsDonnie_FairburnJustLikeMikeeJamieGreenleesSoo_Scandaloussawescarlemmywinklersandrablue925
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    CrazzzyKenCrazyHumanKidjergarlBook_Krazy2gethernofsufloresitsme007365aqualady83
    SamuelHLowe
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    First day of emoji rehab...
    -How do you feel?
    -HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!

    • 1,115
    • FAVS
    lopewskiCountMackulabrandogordijohnstones61rogersterling21Jay1972JayQTheInvasionthebrittany
    • 675
    • RETWEETS
    CountMackulabrandogordijohnstones61rogersterling21navy8rHenry_3ksarabananabearkaterin_aguilar
    TheAlexPNicholey23SeanEmenyimence2Papa_MexEwans_DadPaperWashUncleDuke1969mattZillaaaanicfit75Alex_N_Chains
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Oh its okay. I wouldn't talk to me either.

    • 344
    • FAVS
    Donnie_FairburnJamieGreenleesSoo_ScandaloussVictorscarletJovereaseejuneohara65LoveNLunchmeatawescar
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    juneohara65CrazzzyKengreg_vee2gethernocrafty60DarkerWillowfsufloresMidlandBoi_Vont
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    *Crosses 'cross something off my to do list' off my to do list*
    Productive day, you guys.

    • 345
    • FAVS
    ryangriffithsDonnie_FairburnSoo_ScandaloussjasminebydayJaywoo74LoveNLunchmeatawescarlemmywinkler
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    Jaywoo74CrazzzyKen2gethernoMiaIngallinafsufloresviolet_heartindrayzzejane_snowbal
    brunopieroni
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The hardest part about working in a bar is leaving all that beer and liquor undrank.

    • 321
    • FAVS
    Donnie_FairburnCinEckCriJamieGreenleesSoo_ScandaloussjasminebydayJaywoo74LoveNLunchmeatawescar
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    Moe_Lee_Jaywoo74CrazzzyKendrayzzeTheBeerdedOneorangeagle15brittanies_illuminatedwndr
@Lisa_Laughs_

@Lisa_Laughs_
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