Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I Know What You Did Last Summer:
*pulls up your Twitter page*
I have had a few bullshit jobs in my life, but parenting has got to be the bullshittiest of them all. I want a raise.
Let's grow mold together...
-all the food in my fridge
First day of emoji rehab...
-How do you feel?
-HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!
Oh its okay. I wouldn't talk to me either.
*Crosses 'cross something off my to do list' off my to do list*
Productive day, you guys.
The hardest part about working in a bar is leaving all that beer and liquor undrank.
I'm in a constant state of melt with you.
You're like the bonus track of people. No one likes you, but yet, there you are...
I have a way with words. A very bad way...but its still a way.
Less talking, more stabbing.
Just made mountains out of laundry. Your move, Jesus
I'm not good at math but I'd say I've had a lot many drinks.
I feel like tweeting today. Sorry in advance.
Hey look! They named a candy after you!
*points to Dum Dums*
You have one of those faces not even your mother can love.
I'm investing my life savings in a liquor store.
One bottle at a time.
Okay, sometimes two.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROKEN!
-um those are beer bottles...
THEY'RE STILL BROKEN!
If you don't say "fuck this day" at least once every day, congratulations! You win at life, asshole.
Come to the dark side!
-and bring a flashlight. I can't find my beer.