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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Early to bed, early to hit the snooze 27 times and still be late.

    • 500
    • LIKES
    Tracey_Ann_Cnotsosupermom_Cpt_BurnoutSassyChantelleRanchgal73ProbablyLenaiwearaonesieSuzMcC72
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    Daily_VelliSassyChantelleAshleySRBoliviaa__iwearaonesieRobynHTVSuzMcC72kinky_foxx
    brunopieroni
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I keep incredibly busy for someone that doesn't do anything.

    • 893
    • LIKES
    Kiyaaaaaa_AriAngelaAuroraKing_ShitheadJeanneWondersgil_bertyF_ScottTaftjdf0325treadmilld
    • 591
    • RETWEETS
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    treadmilldnumbmacchiato
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If you take away the blonde hair, prince charming, hopes and dreams, I'm just like Cinderella.

    • 648
    • LIKES
    Lei_rob1GilbertGlentrickortreat_bttreadmilldKenzie_CarnivalThatGirlHealyblissmydarlingask_lorraine
    • 447
    • RETWEETS
    GilbertGlentrickortreat_bttreadmilldjrfitzgBatBatshitcrazycandygrlMTSuchaDumbWorldSpaced_Cowboy00
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Oh, you were born to be wild? That's nice. I was born to be miserable.

    • 656
    • LIKES
    King_ShitheadcrystalzandsagesweatheartmoonyvagueandcandidLei_rob1laurenkathrynntrickortreat_bthilary_hildo13
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat...
    cat: LOL THAT'S SO YOU!

    • 384
    • LIKES
    Kenzie_CarnivallurioosikatkarchnerCarmelaGrace5ask_lorraineNormDGuerreIndycain_ukjudtravis
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
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    MondayPajamas
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You had me at "hello" but you lost me at "I have 5 kids under the age of 10."

    • 857
    • LIKES
    theevilwriterhammbone84whiskey_applecerveza_y_tacosCovertPervertacaxochitl11StopMotionDreamlavishbbygirll
    • 417
    • RETWEETS
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    Social_Mime
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.

    • 722
    • LIKES
    hammbone84bumpin_mamaElleU28MisterNormal675paperphotoyofrk_mariawhiskey_appleviolet_heartin
    • 447
    • RETWEETS
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    YourDailyGroan
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    There's nothing like coming home to where I grew up to make me feel happy I moved away.

    • 541
    • LIKES
    PragyaBhadradeedragonhunterviolet_heartinPiperDewnitisLauren_AbaSmitty007janie40Wodiliewode
    • 309
    • RETWEETS
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    thatguysinghchompy_jr
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes its nice not to be in the driver's seat, and other times your 16 yo daughter is driving and you're too scared to open your eyes.

    • 458
    • LIKES
    Bobinhidinghammbone84violet_heartinJaco_TartarugaSuchaDumbWorldbaSmitty007greggoodman77PeaceInTruth1
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'd tap that.
    *winks at keg*

    • 969
    • LIKES
    F_ScottTaftmommybritisbackhammbone84violet_heartinthischickmaryDaNaLa13baSmitty007SuchaDumbWorld
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
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    Spaced_Cowboy00T_Bonezzz__
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Salesman: Can I help you find something?
    Me: This!
    *points to your avi on my phone*

    • 359
    • LIKES
    violet_heartinSuchaDumbWorldNicole_Kapp87spicy_peen2happyrightLINZH0Eyoussefwagih23HeyoShellz
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartintanya_s7spicy_peenHeyoShellzWendydarlingirlonly1_words__maabr78jergarl
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I got a new phone and lost all of my drafts.
    Okay, a couple of drafts.
    Fine, 2 words I put in there last year but it was gonna be great.

    • 482
    • LIKES
    hammbone84violet_heartinkatkarchnerSuchaDumbWorldNicole_Kapp87CharmandBrainsspicy_peenmaanbinumaweel
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
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    CulturedRuffian
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If you don't love something, you should also set it free.

    • 1,234
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    mwg191LorenzLorenzj94krisnair_twitsnotniceWendyR38224819mautrey97TGTalkerAmandaTheHoser
    • 826
    • RETWEETS
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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I've been trying to kick a bad habit, but he keeps getting away.

    • 511
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    krisnair_Humor_FetishDJtr1xX_20somethingmomNicole_Kapp87CharmandBrainsspicy_peenCeeCastillo
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
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    Flattliner
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'm awake but I could easily go back to sleep for 2 or 3 days.

    • 756
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    • 526
    • RETWEETS
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  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'm pretty much over this whole "being human" thing.

    • 836
    • LIKES
    SardonicTartKingPatrick24alexandra_lietoAGraceeeFuckYouAthenaTimJohnishKris_McKinnon_Gelatin_Cyborg
    • 519
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    darrinfbalex_perez01UnderchildeCelebrityChezCulturedRuffian
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The best part of planning all the stuff you're going to do when you have time off work is not doing any of it.

    • 778
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    1evilidiotPragyaBhadraaprice1208Humor_FetishAtypicalMamaSardonicTartNicole_Kapp87KingPatrick24
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    Writethatdown12fsufloresAlex_N_Chains
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hate is such a strong word.
    *Hate flexes for a selfie*

    • 441
    • LIKES
    Nicole_Kapp87jeskalalaCeeCastilloidgaf_987zalmaybatoormattgallo123NeilJSmith1envydatropic
    • 241
    • RETWEETS
    Brandilzz__mattgallo123felicia_levernham_freeenvydatropicKCraigalociousRdrJay47EddieMarvel
    OrigamiUndies__asadkhawaja
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes I can't even get my own bra unhooked fast enough, so I get it Fumble Fingers, I get it.

    • 451
    • LIKES
    Nicole_Kapp87katiebyteCeeCastillochristy_cappedThinkinOwtLoudRdrJay47TimJohnishcoreyddavis
    • 235
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    One_FineMess
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Just saw a man spanking his kids, so being the good person I am, I tried to help. Oh stop, I didn't spank them, I just held them down.

    • 891
    • LIKES
    Nicole_Kapp87alexandra_lietoninjamoose101thoreau1104liv_thatsmechristy_cappedYourTXGenttacsanitchiban
    • 499
    • RETWEETS
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@sshole’s Newest Tweets

@Lisa_Laughs_

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I wrote a funny tweet once. https://t.co/tZpFbLuYYw

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