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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If you take away the blonde hair, prince charming, hopes and dreams, I'm just like Cinderella.

    • 386
    • LIKES
    TytaynissbarrysolarczykAlyT81Roro_superloserapoorv20690idgaf_987Balamilton1hippocroteez
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    XnotafunnyladyXGoodBadThingsuziqkelleyTwistedCrazzyDigitalDropzsabrabrooksPrettyInCamo11rose24_em
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Oh, you were born to be wild? That's nice. I was born to be miserable.

    • 383
    • LIKES
    twistedfablesThatSapphireBelcloudypianosbreatheandlovedontcallmefidelkayleighpugetKnob_ishbruhzillian
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    ThatSapphireBelbreatheandloveMr_Kapowskisheschicelticross18ExScholarenvydatropicOne2thTEXAN
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat...
    cat: LOL THAT'S SO YOU!

    • 283
    • LIKES
    TytaynissBrittBark23SarahBellagambabreatheandloveDannydixXenvydatropicSamuelHLowejake_lach
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    envydatropicOne2thTEXANTheSurajPatilSamuelHLoweEmjayMj2jake_lachIcyPepsi4MeLove_bug1016
    MondayPajamas
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    You had me at "hello" but you lost me at "I have 5 kids under the age of 10."

    • 666
    • LIKES
    KiniDalebreatheandlovecloudypianosMishaCox69erika_lundemoenvydatropicangrynbitter77eTHEgoddess
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    MishaCox69envydatropicOne2thTEXANLisabug74iamporgylauraleeksmith__charliedelta7bjdjtexbiz
    Social_Mime
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.

    • 576
    • LIKES
    Tytaynisssamantha031292EnchanticalBrittBark23cfnmsocietyluckyruby22ramv51033stoupher12
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    TAG349AlabamaArcherMarkPainttluckyruby22_SingleBabyMamaMiss_Kris85funTweetersbreatheandlove
    YourDailyGroan
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    There's nothing like coming home to where I grew up to make me feel happy I moved away.

    • 456
    • LIKES
    trashtasticaWretchGeekbreatheandloveBlondAmbitionTOdephrankkansaswaggPnefariousLisabug74
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    BrittBark23WretchGeekOne2thTEXANOluwatosin____dephrankkansaswaggiamporgyLisabug74
    thatguysinghchompy_jr
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes its nice not to be in the driver's seat, and other times your 16 yo daughter is driving and you're too scared to open your eyes.

    • 425
    • LIKES
    BrittBark23breatheandlovecoreyddavischarliedelta7AddisonandClarkZJax02MikeSpitlerjsmbch
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANcharliedelta7ZJax02MikeSpitlernumbmacchiatoTwiceTheHopsTedBundybitchRtrJan
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'd tap that.
    *winks at keg*

    • 898
    • LIKES
    TytaynissDuranPeterriddens_concretesledge_breatheandlovedplummer79fromConcretecoreyddavis
    • 594
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANfay_rocchiodplummer79d90kingcharliedelta7umplsstopmikienycKhelSkie
    Spaced_Cowboy00T_Bonezzz
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Salesman: Can I help you find something?
    Me: This!
    *points to your avi on my phone*

    • 338
    • LIKES
    breatheandlovestraightnofiltradams6110VerbalDiaryTwistedCrazzyLove_bug1016coreyddavisZJax02
    • 174
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANstraightnofiltrTwistedCrazzyLove_bug1016ZJax02TedBundybitchMrEd_EVHSpaced_Cowboy00
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I got a new phone and lost all of my drafts.
    Okay, a couple of drafts.
    Fine, 2 words I put in there last year but it was gonna be great.

    • 454
    • LIKES
    junkpostingask_lorraineherejlacloudypianosbreatheandlovecoreyddavisArcherfiretruckurmumsausername
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    FreudianscriptbreatheandloveOne2thTEXANurmumsausernameTedBundybitchdogcat85machminer_SetTheHook_
    CulturedRuffian
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    If you don't love something, you should also set it free.

    • 1,194
    • LIKES
    coreyddavisaimeecowTruculentttSpacePrisonercraneenergysamueljckson02hitgirl516Yanni_LaNiece
    • 795
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANohitskellzzzTruculentttjavanut1067craneenergylopsterflopstersummers_sonnymriamy
    NaomiGlitterJeffSarcastic
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I've been trying to kick a bad habit, but he keeps getting away.

    • 499
    • LIKES
    TytaynisscoreyddavisGYeulettArcherfiretruckurmumsausernamecazijSJfromKCfigaar_
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANurmumsausernameTedBundybitchMaverickXXVImoose_chocolatejessi_331texasstalkermomcoxjackie3
    Flattliner
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'm awake but I could easily go back to sleep for 2 or 3 days.

    • 705
    • LIKES
    KontraZlasweetandsimple6coreyddavisurmumsausernameCCRunsmess_of_petalsMrEd_EVHKia720
    • 486
    • RETWEETS
    sweetandsimple6One2thTEXANbambamman1urmumsausernameMrEd_EVHKia72012ozCouragewickedsuga
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    I'm pretty much over this whole "being human" thing.

    • 832
    • LIKES
    FuckYouAthenaTimJohnishKris_McKinnon_Gelatin_Cyborgcoreyddavisamyym_yScottyd309urmumsausername
    • 518
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANGelatin_CyborgJoker9669CptHook666Scottyd309crashthesainturmumsausernameMrEd_EVH
    darrinfbalex_perez01UnderchildeCelebrityChezCulturedRuffian
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    The best part of planning all the stuff you're going to do when you have time off work is not doing any of it.

    • 764
    • LIKES
    TimJohnishcoreyddavisurmumsausernameTwiceTheHops12ozCouragefionnpittmanwickedsugathisismikedunn
    • 485
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANurmumsausername12ozCouragewickedsugakillazillaathomp_iGreenMonkchompy_jr
    Writethatdown12fsufloresAlex_N_Chains
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Hate is such a strong word.
    *Hate flexes for a selfie*

    • 431
    • LIKES
    TimJohnishcoreyddavisDontTouchMyWinebyeBigFraidyCatwickedsugavanced5479jesse_chs__1Happytwit
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    EddieMarvelOne2thTEXANwickedsugaVitaminnicksingh_akritirustygunterroxaroodwiGreenMonk
    OrigamiUndies__asadkhawaja
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Sometimes I can't even get my own bra unhooked fast enough, so I get it Fumble Fingers, I get it.

    • 445
    • LIKES
    TimJohnishcoreyddaviskyledjacktheminizoogreek2289HarkerJrwickedsugavanced5479
    • 234
    • RETWEETS
    One2thTEXANkyledjackCrunk_Jewswickedsugasingh_akritiKarmaTheBaberustygunteriGreenMonk
    One_FineMess
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Just saw a man spanking his kids, so being the good person I am, I tried to help. Oh stop, I didn't spank them, I just held them down.

    • 869
    • LIKES
    coreyddavisTruculentttAtypicalMamajohnnynitejohnYKnotSA_TownBrokenFilter1JoePicFDR
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    • RETWEETS
    AtypicalMamaMayorbelloTosboy18ThevikyAbSenatorT__collo_worldbrooklyn_rainesWreckTheHoose
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Being awake this early means I'm either really drunk or really stupid and I'm not really drunk.

    • 462
    • LIKES
    coreyddavisDanaeyAlgodgreek2289HuwLaytonVodkaTiemDontTouchMyWinewickedsugaedgarrants
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    HuwLaytonVodkaTiemCrunk_Jewswickedsugastoneman67Cammille26KittyShittyyroziedb
  • Lisa_Laughs_
      @sshole @Lisa_Laughs_

    Any bed can be your death bed if you stay in it long enough.

    • 1,352
    • LIKES
    TimJohnishcoreyddavisJane___JonesJonBakerJonBSinclairvivaciousvandalDookofurlLCLou25
    • 886
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    kelsrich82EddieMarvelOne2thTEXANudaysahadevanJonBakerAkikoOneaudri_emohpeetie
    Olive_Liver__juneohara65Dawn_M_CherBear162OldUncleDaveOThat_Damn_DuckElKnuckelhombrePencilWalrus__eliserose5__CulturedRuffian

@sshole’s Newest Tweets

@Lisa_Laughs_

@Lisa_Laughs_ Pro

I wrote a funny tweet once.

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