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Today is the day I will change my life! Ooh is that a lemur riding a bright pink Segway? I'm following his ass today, no matter what.
"Being rejected by those who know nothing of my existence," is how I start off all my wedding crasher reviews on a blog that no one reads.
The only thing I'll ever amount to is a 'thumbs up' commenter on Youtube or a soft core porn extra, according to this career test I took.
There is nothing wrong with wearing a tiny mirrored body suit, while my boom box plays disco, and I'm cutting up lines on "my," lunchtime.
Nothing like a huge wake up call to my problems, than snorting the last of my dignity on the men's Arco bathroom floor.
Sodomy, tea, or me?
I'd like the type of love bursting at the seams, but in a few hours, politely lie about how busy life is to get into anything serious.
An explosion of warm chicken paste covering her entire body in batter, is how I want my autopsy report to read.
I'd like some strict heavy shoe nanny to come by and paddle me for wearing my husky butterfly costume too tight around the paddling areas.
Slip me the tongue, shame on you. Slip me a roofie, while I'm at the drive thru liquor store, and can't remember my pin, shame shame, shame.
I'd smash a rock on my face, spit out my teeth, and throw myself into moving traffic, just so I can feel your soft kiss again.
I'd squirt an ounce of glitter just for another hit of McRib.
Welcome to Lisa World. I tweet sexy time while eating and snorting inspiration covered in delicous gravy. 7.20.13 Tweet Up http://tweetvite.com/event/SanFran.