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Taking my 2 kids to Walmart. Depends on how they behave as to how many I will bring back.
Ever find someone on Twitter so funny you have to MAKE yourself quit starring & retweeting them so they don't think you're creepy?
Exactly what shade of green were you waiting for at this stop light?
I hope there's an open bar on this 1st grade field trip school bus.
New drinking game: Drink a shot every time you get a star, 2 for a retweet, and 3 for a new follower! Starting..........NOW!
What is the secret handshake so I know when I meet one of you?
To whoever put the pizza place next to the licquor store....well played!
I like nice people. And funny. Nice AND funny.
My 7 year old daughter is my biggest fan. I have lived life well.
I figured it out. If my phone could also be a wine glass, I could keep up with it better.
Hey lady sitting next to me waiting on your car, looking at your phone---Are you laughing because you just read my last tweet?
I have raised independent children. They no longer wait for me to make dinner, they get their own cereal.
Remember when "Party like it's 1999" referred to a time several years in the future!
My husband's super power is the ability to sleep through his own snoring.
There is nothing better than the approval of someone who totally gets you.
My 10 year old just asked me what I want to be when I grow up!
When did they start making wine bottles so small?
Do NOT get married until someone who is awesome loves you just the way you are.
Husband left at the butt-crack of dawn to play golf, so I bought 7 yr old a drum to play when he gets home and tries to nap.
I do a really good impersonation of being a nice person. I just don't feel like doing it right now!
I tweet random things that happen in my life. Sometimes I change small details for laughs. My life is proof that it's all about having good timing.