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Today a black woman called me "Giiiirrrrll" and I have never been happier in my entire life.
My microwave is broken so yeah, I feels you Africa.
Never gonna happen, slutty girls with Audrey Hepburn posters.
Was texting when a sheriff pulled up so i instinctively hid my phone. I was walking. I'm an idiot.
It's ironic that "Hung" is a common asian name.
At the start of every fall, I excitedly search all my jacket pockets for forgotten cash. Then remember I was broke the previous year too
I'm not too good to go into my yard in just my underwear to yell at birds.
For a white girl, I am ridiculously proud of my butt.
Do you think people in wheelchairs give phenomenal handjobs? All that upperbody strength...
I'm friends with far too many pets on facebook.
The cashier at the liquor has finally learned to stop asking if I'm throwing a party. Yes, it's all for me.
My friend refuses to say "sexting". She calls it "sex texting" and I cant take her seriously anymore.
Something About Love, a 40, 2 donuts, box of veggie chicken nuggets and a pint of ice cream. Let the healing process begin.
Life Alert but for burritos.
I goddamn hate birds so much.
My entire life is just a tribute to burritos.
I feel like it isn't too much to ask science to bring back pterodactyls so I can fly one to work. It would break our oil dependency
As soon as I walk in the house, it starts pouring rain. This girl's got game.
Le bf has fallen asleep and trapped me in a vice-like grip. Please send chips.
If I had a sleep number bed I would set it to 69, no matter what.