@Lockworld's (Doug Lockwood) most faved Tweets...
Someday, I'd like to meet the bastard who invented the SNOOZE button. He owes me at least half of my life back.
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I really want to get laid tonight, but I'm too damn lazy to blow up my doll. Dilemmas, dilemmas...
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How much does a Facebook-ectomy cost these days? I think I'm ready to have that festering sore on my otherwise tolerable existence removed.
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6 got a painful lesson in what happens when you pick on someone small. She'll be OK now that we pulled her earing backs out of her neck.
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Hey...I just noticed that even the phrase "Freudian slip" could be said to be a Freudian slip. Get it..."Slip"...tee hee hee.
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If people were alarm clocks, you'd probably be forgiven for smashing the annoying ones into a thousand tiny pieces.
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Seriously, people should be given a snow-driving test before being allowed to put a Colorado license plate on their car.
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Little known fact: Too much time staring at a laptop in a dark room causes symptoms much like snow blindness. Where the hell is my beer?
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I swear, I could write a fucking novel faster than I can edit some of my tweets so that they'll fit in 140 characters and still make sense.
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It's hard to maintain an appropriately professional attitude at work when you can't stop singing SpongeBob songs to yourself.
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Dear Hollywood: Stop making movies where the hottest girl in the world marries and/or screws the dorky guy. Signed: Lonely/Frustrated Dork.
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Caught myself wishing I was a woman for the first time today. The way my car vibrates if I go more than 50...Any of you ladies wanna ride?
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It's late at night, the wife and kids are sleeping, and I'm all alone in the basement with my computer. What do you THINK I'm doing?
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