Better to have loved and lost than to have no one to bitterly resent thereafter.

That moment when you wake up from a nap and realize all that shit still needs to get done.

But you sign into Twitter anyway.

No coffee all day yesterday has rather messed me up. I'm lost, disoriented and sleeping weird.

So imagine how years without sex is going.

Hey you girls who want great sex and to be treated well but aren't into older men. Stop that.

Ever have one of those days where everything seems overwhelming & you just wanna get high, get off, & sleep?

Oh so you DO get my life then.

Still learning to tweet efficiently: "K" for "okay," "TL" for timeline, and ":^)" for "feel free to sit right here."

Still learning. :^)

It is nice to feel mature w better judgement. I'm paranoid, neurotic, and terrified of bothering people, but certainly more mature about it.

You know, you girls are kind of amazing, with your variety of faces and boobs and shapes and heavenly holes and excuses for ignoring me.

So does "Twitter crush" mean you wanna fuck their brains out, or that they're just cute & funny and you'd like a stuffed version to cuddle?

Seems like no matter how late we're running, there's always time to sit for just ONE more cigarette.

And Twitter.

Respecting women is really complicated, until you actually respect a woman, and then it's really simple.

A guy's age is directly proportional to the likelihood that his mouth knows what it's doing between your legs.

Reconsider your options.

Went shopping for a new bed frame yesterday. 98% of those headboards had no place to secure handcuffs. What is wrong with this country?!?

I try to save my best tweets for when more of my followers are online.

So stay tuned and keep your eyes open in 2015!

Didja ever notice that the smartest most well-spoken people on Twitter are us pervs?

Look over any trending topic, you'll see what I mean.

I've used discipline, affection & respect to train a CAT into eager loving obedience…

But women always seem to have other sources of food.

One of you lucky girls is gonna get the phone sex of a lifetime tonight.

#truthfultuesday

Used to wake up every day and nosedive into a terrible depression about my life and loneliness within 5 minutes.

Then I found you people.

Of COURSE I remember loving and fucking and caring about someone and all that sweet affection…

Can't you see this hollow look in my eyes?

I didn't use to get this Twitter thing.

They say you don't see rock bottom until it's rushing up at you.