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I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.
Quick, someone lend me some boobs.
It's not masturbating that makes you go blind.
It's masturbating to porn on the iPhone.
I'm in such a bad mood, I feel the need to go and upset some small children.
Why are my fucking nipples still fucking hurting after 4 days?! Which one of you has been putting clamps on them while I'm asleep?
When I give someone my heart, it will be in the form of organ donation.
If it smells like fish and tastes like chicken, that's the place you put your dick in.
My metric converter brings all the boys to the 91.44cm.
The cat just licked my nipple. I feel violated.
Bacon. The original rimjob.
This is a local tweet for local people.
Sometimes, your knight in shining armour is just a retard in tin foil.
Life gives you shit, so wipe your ass and move on.
A child is for life...
not just for benefits.
Why does an innocent pint ALWAYS turn into 6 pints, 3 rum and cokes, 4 jagerbombs, and a kebab?!
My vagina smells like rampant sex.
I'm in love with your angry subtweets today.
I want to suffocate you with my ass cheeks.
I'm gonna remake my #teamcunty list. RT and star if you wanna be on it, can't miss a good cunt out!
slayer of batteries, predator of young men, and zombie ninja. Mac'n'cheese addict.