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@Lorisays
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Friends: 426
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Favs Given: 16,952
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@Lorisays' (Lori ) most faved Tweets...
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TMZ now reporting that Kanye was upset because Taylor Swift refused to accept his Mafia Family invitation.
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Lorisays
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Working on Sunday makes Monday feel like a second date.
Meaning the odds are good that it will end with me fucked & crying.
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The dress I have on today says, "She's confident and professional."
But when the wind blows, it screams, "Guess who needs to do laundry?"
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Today, I wore a freshly cleaned and pressed white shirt.
Or, as my lunch likes to call it, a blank canvas.
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Fourteen hours in these shoes has given a whole new meaning to "Fuck Me Pumps."
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In the South, funeral food is as esteemed as the departed.
Because nothing takes the sting out of losing a loved one like a nice casserole.
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"Can't believe charity asked me to donate old clothes to help starving people!
Anyone who can wear my clothes isn't starving!" (via my mom)
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To: Lori
From: Lori
Re: Credibility
Not walking around with your dress tucked in the back of your pantyhose. Try it.
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(like not with)
(like not with)
(like not with)
I slept like a teenaged boy.
(whew)
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I kid, of course.
I only cry after sex on the first date.
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Each family has The Pretty One, The Smart One, etc.
Aunt just texted me thanks for her new fave saying, "I’ll cut a bitch."
I’m That One.
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A: Twitter.
Q: How did you develop your morbid fascination for things going into and coming out of people's bodies?
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Hurricane Ida sends me to Home Depot. Two things are revealed in the parking lot:
1. My dress is not wind-rated.
2. My ass.
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My sex life and the NFL regular season have a lot in common right now.
Fine. I'll spell it out for you.
No scoring in 2009.
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“You don’t even qualify as an A-hole. You're a C-hole at best!”
Parting comment from boss as we left meeting from hell. Today, I ♥ my job.
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Thank you, Crazy Homeless Man Wearing Tiny White Lace Miniskirt, for your enthusiastic approval of my outfit.
Very . . . um, reassuring.
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What are the odds that the waiter really just asked if I wanted my burger with man eggs?
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This caramel apple covered in peanuts & raisins, a dark chocolate coating, & sprinkles MAY lead me to relax my position on fruit as dessert.
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Hillary, maybe if you were a little more willing to be a channel for your husband he wouldn't always launch his vessel in foreign waters.
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It should be obvious to you by now that both my concern and my attention span are directly proportional to my coffee intake.
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