@louispeitzman never change, louis

Asia hasn't been so poorly represented since Jaden Smith performed the theme song to The (new) Karate Kid.

Psy and Tracy Morgan on one stage is the worst thing that has ever happened

I'm doing a meetup behind the dumpster next to iHop on Hollywood. Stop by and say hi.

should i change my twitter username to my last name or just continue to pretend kevin bacon is my dad

please God give me the strength to stop passing judgement on girls who wear pants with words printed on the ass

If you want to play a game with me, let's just save time and say you won.

Nomi Malone is standing outside the MGM Grand with some fries, trying to figure out a way to get into the Billboard Music Awards

Yet here we are. RT @codybiddy: If it wasn't for Twitter, no one would know who @robdelaney is

"and your host, Tracy Morgan!" *changes channel*

Tell me more about how scared I am, anonymous child watching videos on how to mimic "personality" & dehumanize women so they can't hurt you.

@andyrichter I am in need of a sidekick during my discourse with the animals I have spurned, meet me at the break of dusk.

@thelindywest it's like a fairy tale where nobody knows how disgusting you are til a friendless, sexless loser breaks the spell via YouTube.

I'm so insecure & terrified people will discover my "disgustingness" that I videotaped my face & body & put them on YouTube next to my name.

Are you guys sad sad or just fake comedy sad?

"I'm a sub who gets off on being degraded. I'm yours to command." "Ok, get naked. Good. Now... do racist prank calls to ethnic restaurants."

Did a lot of self reflection and discovery today and I've come to the important realization that I hate spinning.

You’re 11. RT @pepsi: A Pepsi party means _____. #LiveForNow

As a redhead I only have to check one thing to know if I am going to get a brutal sunburn: am I outside?

If you want to do a walk of shame but without the sex, just lock yourself out w/o a bag or jacket and do stuff in the city for eight hours.