Would it be weird if I just ordered a bunch of fondant baby shower cake toppers from eBay and ate them?

Can't believe I'm still up at I Need Validation O'Clock.

Wiping my tears with a donut.

Remember in high school when I hated the popular kids but got all giddy when they acknowledged me, and how literally nothing has changed?

The Louis hates when you refer to your significant other as "The Boyfriend."

Gave up debating this asshole on Facebook when he proclaimed, "I will always call out cunts unlike other pussies." EVERYDAY HERO.

How to get more Twitter followers without selling out or being an asshole, by @ktheaney and me.  http://www.buzzfeed.com/katieheaney/how-to-actually-get-more-twitter-followers …

If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know.

Nothing annoys me more than condescension and pedantry. You probably don't know what those words mean, so let me explain.

Not to sound too defensive, but I hate lots of movies starring white people.

I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.

I'm hungry, but it's wet outside. Paralyzed.

Sorry.

Republicans keep talking about all the free shit Obama gifted us for our votes, as though not dying from a treatable condition is an iPad.

This woman has had her turn signal on for six years.

If I were doing an interview and the subject said, "I love to have fun!" I'd be like, "Nope, let's try that one again."

Can't believe people think Twitter is about sharing what you had for lunch when it's really just broken people enabling each other.

This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.

I guess my concern with going to a party is that someone will likely ask me how I've been.

Does anyone want to read my Nate Silver/Ezra Klein fanfic??