@LovableDoofus' (Lovable Doofus) most faved Tweets...
When receiving communion, it's best to wait until you get back to your pew to add the Cheez Wiz. Trust me on this one.
Horror films taught me to wear sexy panties when investigating strange noises in my house.
Wish the wife had mentioned her mom had a key.
Wish the wife had mentioned her mom had a key.
Every time I see someone write some cute "tw" word like Twitterverse or Twitteriffic, I Twow up in my mouth a little.
Due to the recession, a number of American banks kinda just….went away.
Unfortunately, Tyra wasn’t one of them.
Unfortunately, Tyra wasn’t one of them.
I was told that I should shave for the job interview, so I did.
I don’t think he was as impressed with the ‘landing strip’ as I was.
I don’t think he was as impressed with the ‘landing strip’ as I was.
I'm still alive and'll be back in a few days after I get my stress to bearable levels
or sooner if a celeb dies or I take a tweetable shit.
or sooner if a celeb dies or I take a tweetable shit.
Son’s science book claims the amoeba is the lowest form of life.
The author of this outdated book has obviously never seen Rock of Love.
The author of this outdated book has obviously never seen Rock of Love.
Niece invited me to go clubbing. Turned out she didn't mean Harp Seals.
Still had a lot of fun though. Those emo dorks don't run as fast.
Still had a lot of fun though. Those emo dorks don't run as fast.
Bought my daughter an ant farm to study habits of worker ants. It's amazing.
Never seen iphones that small & their tweets are hysterical.
Never seen iphones that small & their tweets are hysterical.
Running into Heidi Montag at the mall was thrilling yet awkward.
I calmed down, put the truck in reverse & was successful on my 2nd try.
I calmed down, put the truck in reverse & was successful on my 2nd try.
Daughter said that she’s giving up Trick or Treating but gave no reason. She is so creative.
Going as Sarah Palin for Halloween is genius.
Going as Sarah Palin for Halloween is genius.
Shouting out “YOU LIE” to a politician, (democrat OR republican), is the same as telling a bar of Ivory Soap, “YOU FLOAT”.
Tv ad said for $1 a day, the price of a cup of coffee, I could feed a village. I called to find out where to get such cheap coffee.
Why is ROFLMAO a good thing? It'd be scary if reading tweets pulled me from my chair to spasm on the floor til I lost weight in my buttocks.
1st Pumpkin Latte of the season, you cost me $5.00 (and a large chunk of my masculinity) but you are so worth it.
Don't judge. I'm PMSing.
Don't judge. I'm PMSing.
I am in talks with Mattel to create a line of Twitter action figures.
Each comes with two starter followers and a Shelly Ryan.
Each comes with two starter followers and a Shelly Ryan.
I’ve been to every grocery store in town with no success. I’m beginning to think that Soylent Green Helper is not a real product.
If I had a time machine, I'd use it to retake ‘Which Disney Princess are You’ facebook quiz. Mulan? Get real!
Oh and I’d kill Hitler too.
Oh and I’d kill Hitler too.
Hurricane Bill is losing strength. Apparantly there have been accusations from Tropical Storm Monica.
She says he came in her eye.
She says he came in her eye.
The media’s coverage of the ‘MILEY QUITS TWITTER' crisis proves she was days away from tweeting her cure for Cancer.
10/7 NEVER FORGET
10/7 NEVER FORGET
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