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Relationship status: I might as well make PornHub my home screen. Geez!
One of the most liberating realizations as an adult is knowing your day job does not define you. We all have to pay our bills somehow.
I want to know why it is exactly that I take my pants off in my sleep. I wake up in the midst of it frequently. I'm a sleep stripper.
I thought I was having this amazing lucid dream. It turns out I just reset my alarm clock for an hour later in my sleep. Damn!
Yesterday I ate White Castle for lunch and El Tap for dinner. Today my apologies go out to my bhole.
I wish real life nervous breakdowns were as glamorous as they are in movies. I would be screaming with the wind in my hair. Roll credits.
If you ever used the song "Dirty Little Secret" as a ringtone we all know you haven't washed those leggings in 2 weeks.
Hey ladies, no one gives a fuck about your outfit of the day. Quit acting like that's a thing, and no more OOTD hashtags. I repeat... NO.
I love how my body is like "what's that, whore?! You wanna sleep?! I'm gonna make you as uncomfortable as possible! Bam!"
I need a routine, a routine that involves yoga, & more painting, or maybe meditating, but definitely less stress eating #myinternalmonologue
Today a flat billed wearing punk came in for an interview & talked to me like a piece of meat. Mysteriously his application disappeared. Hmm
I would like to initiate the barter system so I don't have to to to work today. Doodles for dinner? Paintings for electricity? Wit for gas?
Today a man's cologne made me vomit, and a worried Asian woman handed me a bottle of water from under the bathroom stall.
Trying to stay awake long enough to throw my clothes in the dryer is harder than I expected. I feel so old sometimes.
It's all fun and games until somebody blows out a bhole.
As a child I wanted to be a mermaid with all my heart until I realized I couldn't climb trees & play Mario bros. So, I scrapped that idea and started painting.