My son is gay http://bit.ly/bpO0qP This woman truly deserves to be a parent.

I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

I guess I shouldn't hate on crazy bitches who say they'd let Chris Brown beat them, because I'd probably let @huntermoore give me an STD.

If being gay was a choice, don't you think more people would choose it? They're in better shape, they dress better, they have lots of sex...

Your life's like Gossip Girl, only everyone is old and poor.

RT @jonjonnyp: "boys should ask girls out. and tops should ask bottoms out. that's just how it is." - @lwalla01

So, it's official: I'm definitely allergic to most seafood. A gay man allergic to fish... how ironic.

I think that extra 35 pounds is purely boob weight. “@amandabynes: I weigh 135! I need to be 100 lbs!
 http://twitpic.com/cn7gtx ”

I'd rather just get fucked than to have to stay and cuddle with someone.

No matter how shitty your 2012 was, you're still not the guy who got the Romney logo tattooed on his face.

Best tweet ever “@rexhuppke: BREAKING: Following NRA's path, alcohol industry now blaming drunk driving on "too much Mario Kart"”

Caption: "He died so we could have it our way." pic.twitter.com/Tiz5EfpC

@jackmackenroth Even hunters... it worries me that people would find killing innocent and defenseless animals as fun or sport.

Making maple syrup, marrying gays, etc. RT @buddyfacehead: Sometimes I forget Canada exists. Like, what are they doing up there?

I had no idea Andy Cohen was workin' with all of THIS. pic.twitter.com/UmebSKfg

@mileycyrus It's your birthday for the next 10 days! At least, that's the standard I use.

Lisa Biron, Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer, Arrested On Child Pornography Charges (VIDEO)  http://huff.to/US9mbt  Naturally.

I really loathe cyclists on the roadway. One person inconveniencing dozens/hundreds of drivers. We have bike trails. Please use them.

Sometimes I wake up at 6 AM and feel like clubbing. I need to move to Europe.

Sometimes, as a white person, you just have to laugh at white people as a whole.