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Two eggs boiling in a pan, the female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
On twitter you can talk, flirt, fall in love & have your heart broken in between a few sips of vodka.
What do you call a slick,Versace jean wearing douche bag listening to his ipod? Anything you want , he can´t hear you.
Dear intelligent older guy, please stop philosophizing & get your cock out.
Polluting the internet, one dirty tweet at a time.
You had me at "I have a huge dong"
Why the heck, can´t 10 people favorite my tweet so I can get a shiny star award!!
I wish I could softly kiss your heart & heal it.
New business idea, donuts and tequila shots, Drunkin Donuts.
You´re all lying about these sexy DM´s. right?
Why is Kim Kardashian the butt of so many jokes?
If sex were a plate of freshly baked cookies, I´d eat the whole lot & still be ravenous for more.
Just so you know slutty girls, are not slutty girls, they are just women who learned how to fuck like you men.
okay, he´s a dick, but how do I get some?
Wish I was a glow worm; a glow worm's never glum. 'Cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?
A bad mastubator always blames his tool.
Has your girlfriend ever handed you a vodka & redbull while you´re sitting on the toilet?
Hey, young newbie, did daddy pay for all those followers you got?
I´ll leave a little brazilian strip in my underarm hair just to titillate.
I am an asshole.
my arse started clapping then tweeting & now I´m powerless to stop it