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I Have a really cute fuzzy Kitten Here. If I don't get some fucking stars, Im going to flush it down the toilet. U Want that On your head?
Facebook is for people you go to school with. Twitter is for the people you wished you went to school with
Whoever said words can't hurt You, Obviously has NEVER been hit in the face with a fucking dictionary.
Have you ever wondered if your mom gave you a good night kiss after giving your dad a blow job? You are Now. Good Night! Sweet Dreams!
Was sexting my Bf, realized I sent to wrong person. Anyway, My employee now has new respect for me. And he's afraid. very afraid.
Paper or plastic? I don't care. I am bi-sactual .
I don't regret My behavior at all. I do however , regret that someone had a fucking camera.
I am just One Bad relationship away from Owning 30 Cats!
Guy at bar said to me "Here, let me push your stool up". I said I don't do Anal on the first date, Sorry. 2nd date.....Maybe.
It's Monday. It's raining. I am hungover. My cat threw up in my bed. On the good side, I have cramps, which means I'm not pregnant.Good Day!
I Used to Purposely take 'acid'. Now I take tons of 'antacid'. Growing up is a serious buzz kill.
Too bad you all can't see the great hair day I'm having. I would take a picture, except my face is not having the same luck.
Get Down, Stop It & don't eat that ! Are My Cat's Names.
Save Your Breath Dude, Your gonna Need it to Blow Up your inflatable date Later.
My boyfriend's really into role playing. I think I'm going to ask him to play the role of my ex-boyfriend from this day forward.
I got a Mcdonalds gift card from bf. I asked him if that was so I could get a McRibbed for her pleasure.Anyways, eating at Mcdonalds, Alone.
Dear People who still write checks in grocery Stores, Its 2010 !!! Get with the Fucking Program!
What ? No Desperate Housewives On tonight? You mean I Been Killing time on here with You fuckers for nothing? SH*T.
Im Fucking Hot. Well Yeah I Look good, But really what I mean is It's Fucking hot in here. Did I Die? Is this Hell?
I Have Your Kid. Star this tweet immediately or he dies. I will send instructions On How you can get him back. No Police Understand?