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Shaved my dogs ass tonight. What did YOU do?? I bet nothing as fun as shaving your dogs ass!! Huh, am I right?!?!? Right???.....fuck
Maybe if we passed a bill insuring one blow job a day for Congress/Senate, they would get shit done right and on time instead if fucking us!
My phone won't let me add the word "fuck" to it's database of words.
My phone is an asshole.
Starting to think my tweets are invisible.
My tweets are where the vulgar side of me comes to play cause I can't say this shit in real life.
NO DUTCH OVENS!!!!!!
If a guy farts in front of me or ON me before the 3rd date, that shit is a deal breaker. Even after the 3rd date, never ON me. Yuck.
I love how a certain scent, autumn leaves, baking cookies, your Mom's perfume, can instantly take you back in time and comfort you, too.
I've been with my Fuck Buddy longer than I was with my husband. Do I get an award or something guys????
The louder you blast the bass in your car, the smaller I'm going to assume your penis is. Especially if you're driving a Prius.
In my next life I'm coming back as Freddy Kruger so I can cut a bitch.
I'd rather tweet my true thoughts and feelings and get no RTs or favs over tweeting bullshit just to be popular amongst strangers.
Don't try to break my heart, I don't have one. I enjoy Percocet, razor blades, and sushi. I have a Zombie obsession. Fuck You.