Finished spring cleaning! In related news, I've also finished a half bottle of scotch (just for motivational purposes)

We can expect clear skies with a chance of shut your dirty trash mouth and some occasional suck my dick

Ok people I'm only 910 followers away from a thousand!! =D exciting times! RT this and let's get the ball rolling!

I now believe "a little birdy told me" means "someone on Twitter said" it makes perfect sense to me!

The safest way to double your money is to fold it in your pocket

Suck a dick a day. Bitch.

I bet her vagina looks like a ravioli that's been trodden on.

I miss me too.

Falling is just like flying, except there's a more permanent destination

Goood morning everyone, here's a motivational thought for you today. You are all winning sperm! Sooo... Theres that. Have a nice day now. =)

Your *eyes are beautiful. *tits

I'm gonna level with you all, I haven't got any money, I haven't got a posh car, but I am fucking good in bed (my 1 saving grace)

You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a fucking challenge

My boss just kindly reminded me that I once attempted to run him over... #awkward

Some of you will never understand the joy you can get just from waking up, and realising... it was a bad dream.

It's my dream that one day my dad will say "im proud of you" or someone on twitter describes me as "underfollowed" either would be great.

Me: "I'm gonna go sit in the garden and burn" My Mum: "you mean get cancer"...nice lady... Reeeal nice! -.-

I once was lost, but now im f..... Nope im still lost.

Yay! @skullcat stole my tweet!

I'm laying in bed all day doing fuck all apart from drinking alcohol and watching gangster movies. It's what the baby Jesus would've wanted.