Am I the only one who never checks voice mail. If I cared I would pick up. Stop leavin messages!

I like how you play hard to
unfollow.

I hate both people who will read this !

Hey parents who thought they would buy their kid a whistle,
You are shit heads.I hate you.

If you see this,
fuck you.

That's right! I put a star on my own tweet. Cuz I feel strongly about stuff.

Your wife/girlfriend/significant other/'partner'/
mom likes my beard.

My dog follows me 24/7.
That's how u do it stupid.

Having thousands of followers must be like a free pass to tweet garbage. They still get 50 stars for a steamy pile of crap... *someday

I have no inside jokes.I get my cigars at the corner store.I normally drink beer, till I puke.I am the least interesting man in the world.

Had to block somebody for the first time today. Not as cool as I thought. Man the old lady is pissed!

Please help my beard grow.
And by beard.....I mean beard.

If you have never been drug out of the bar by at least four bouncers, you are NOT a crazy bitch.

Hey all who hate rednecks.
Bless your heart.

Ever hav one of those days that everything goes just right, just like u hoped? Me ? Nope ? Every day is a car wreck.

Got bourbon ? Got scotch ? Got beer ? Weed ? Nothing? So fuck off then.

What kind of loser is tweeting on Christmas eve?

Told this guy one time"I'm smarter than I look" he said I'd have to be.?

I don't have to brush my teeth if I stay in right? How about if I go to the gas station?

I'm a grown ass man! I can smoke pot if I want! I'm an adult! I can play video games all day! (cuz I'm like a kid)