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  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Homosexuality occurs naturally in 450 species of animals, but NASCAR only occurs in 1.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    NervousJrlpincenteThisIsJayCMinaaaMouseninjaenterichBsideStarchildSAVAJAandSUCHAlexraaar
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    ThisIsJayCBsideStarchilddevintaylor411taylo_rapeTheMikeHeinMeezaySlinkLivesOnkraig_michael
    QVT
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Listen up all you LOSER potheads! While you're "smoking it up" tomorrow I'll be going to work & celebrating Hitlers birthday LIKE AN ADULT!

    • 83
    • FAVS
    NervousJrtheshamingofjayTitansHomerStevenFCRickShaugholidaystylessAManAmongstGodschroma_x
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    AdamUltrabergRickShaugAshrbrwnpnskyAdamSnider14blackbobrossAManAmongstGodsSwedishgirl11biillyb
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    IRISH CAR BOMB: Drop 1/2 Baileys & 1/2 Whiskey shot into 1/2 pint of stout then blow up a car in front of a Protestant church.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    TitansHomerjwoodhamidiotface269fairbanksyashlyn19mohnjelsonmikaeurekavinniebyrne
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    wassaPIZZATHINGkorchmikaeureka_InqkDustyDonovanvinniebyrneghostcatte
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    DONT FORGET It is possible for a hurricane to suck up oil from an off shore drilling platform and have the entire storm system catch fire.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    TitansHomerporkrimsenjwoodhamprotoglyphDan_Benensondisquisitionnot_brookejonbruh
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Irish_OverlordeeillaallisonkollinsLandonBB1negativedrewmtpiitomgdarkochodie_foster
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Just met @justinbieber and @selenagomez in Starbucks! What a nice kids!

    • 10
    • FAVS
    TitansHomeriBiebs1DWizardsRibbonJDBBonerfiedtwitTayP098iGomezKidrauhl_xKelly8DxMichelle_Blahhh
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    RibbonJDBTheStephNeyTayP098FlyWithDelenaThatJDBSupportbriannuhhhhhhHeckYesSelenaBiebersMyDork
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    If anyone wishes you a happy Thanksgiving politely explain that you're a jew and watch the confusion wash over them.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    NervousJrBobbyslowpriamandatheshamingofjayilikeyouguysTitansHomerporkrimsengimmedatpretzel
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    NervousJrBobbyslowtheshamingofjayThatDudeElijaha_leszczynskiJohn_Balogkurtpankauj_lindley
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Jump into the air, slamming your head into a brick square until coins come out. You are now a Bitcoin miner.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    NervousJrBillyGerwitzburninberlinmogelponyspooky_spiceOnyxOxygenBuckyIsotopeporkrimsen
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Alec8Dperfidiousbugsmogelponyspooky_spiceOnyxOxygenBuckyIsotopenotryanroscow__
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    "Less Government. Less Taxes. Please rebuild our tornado ravaged homes, Federal Government! Less Government!" -Missouri Tea Party

    • 10
    • FAVS
    TitansHomerporkrimsenjwoodhamvxlktronbieacutebuttsimultaneousleePhilDarnowsky
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    gratisfadoelandyolivaQVTelSneakerFerinochYungAsuka420knarphieamiantos
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Please RT if you think Memorial Day should be used to honor @justinbieber and not whatever it's used for now.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    porkrimsenDave_Aldridgeolobmotidiotface269fr0g95mangum_PIdavekardo5glenna_opt
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    julian14k__________Den_kellyla_mattressphatpatyooPorkLiftAshamedCoolBabyRatCurseOfBenitezPikachu_41
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Gallant is not religious, but he tries to respect other peoples faith. Goofus screams about not believing an "invisible sky wizard"

    • 12
    • FAVS
    BuckyIsotopeporkrimsenDave_Aldridgeeksortsophlogiston4lyfevongBouvet__IslandTreBoucher
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    ClassicCJJTSheatherosswaitasecondTBPNemoLobo_CalrissianallergyclustersAPackOfFatKids
  • MT
          @MT @MT

    @mayordavebing Philadelphia has a statue of Rocky & Robocop would kick Rocky's butt. He's a GREAT ambassador for Detroit.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    dbodine3mikeyildarianrParallax9pbabianempathiserEdithMacrotch
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    ProfessorBlingpacoworldpwnerofnoobsBlackyibzjessicabazzipudding_mouseMrjohnjohnsonInetgate
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    "I'm gonna have..." ~ the way an asshole starts a food order

    • 14
    • FAVS
    NervousJrtheshamingofjayilikeyouguysvxlkmarkyvileBonerfiedtwitolcek_ristina_
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    NervousJrtheshamingofjaydesrevermiErnieWVmagruderjazzolceDomSexFuckVancouverGold
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    an iPhone auto correct faux pas gets Jerry into hot water with his girlfriend. George insists 3D glasses won't work for him #updatedseinfeld

    • 5
    • FAVS
    theshamingofjayjustinsellenbrassiere_broAOLfreetrialOhGeeEm
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    theshamingofjayChrisJellyRobertmartinsodbrassiere_broOll_Murraykedromelonkarlsofficiellaianarmstro
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    "Lets shut down the government so we can go the big Illuminati golf outing together" -Everyone in Congress & the House & Obama too

    • 2
    • FAVS
    favstar_popbearetic
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    skiniksrappindadtalkingpengwinlimbiclibrarianWesternerSompleDypsymphuliacoptimuscackLowenaffchen
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    @goofusgallant Gallant is concerned with his impact on the environment. Goofus cites snowfall as evidence to disprove climate change.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    vxlkdoctor_assSorcyressjennyvsjennycal50
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    literatehyaenamreilsTheReaISomebodydisassemblyline______kleptomikHeyhlermilkoholfavstar_pop
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    I am the 53% http://t.co/CvJgenyt

    • 7
    • FAVS
    LonBizzleanniquynhhailbot666Jorts_MichaelBringnBackHellabug_dealPinochet
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    unixfortune87getbigideasRickShauganniquynhLonBizzlePrototypeCubeNomsTheLoraxchrystalml
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Hi @governorperry I heard when you're happy you fire six shooters into the air but when you're mad you stomp on your own hat. Is this true?

    • 7
    • FAVS
    xmaswarAPEorDIEtronbieodatthe_melvinatorbug_dealJessterPrynne
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    anthonypantsaspeedtomselleck69Dave_AldridgeDommykinsIngwitCheesegod69whateversusan
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    In light of the tragedies in Boston, please remain vigilant and forward all #happy420 tweets with location data to local law enforcement.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    acrotalusaAManAmongstGodsazigramattwhybutthavernotveryravenhelioptiledJDirks_
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    acrotalusaMega_TurdAManAmongstGodsyouandmecomplexmanwidowTheRealLilGrizznotveryravenhellocookieman
  • MT
      @MT @MT

    Retweet if you agree Juston Bieber is a better songwriter than John Lennon and Paul McCartney combined.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    soeitudiajdisassemblyline______
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    iruntheinternettween_sensationWe_Are_Venom_ggddgg_scottf_StuBram2SocksMahoneyMultiTrip
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