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Homosexuality occurs naturally in 450 species of animals, but NASCAR only occurs in 1.
Listen up all you LOSER potheads! While you're "smoking it up" tomorrow I'll be going to work & celebrating Hitlers birthday LIKE AN ADULT!
IRISH CAR BOMB: Drop 1/2 Baileys & 1/2 Whiskey shot into 1/2 pint of stout then blow up a car in front of a Protestant church.
DONT FORGET It is possible for a hurricane to suck up oil from an off shore drilling platform and have the entire storm system catch fire.
If anyone wishes you a happy Thanksgiving politely explain that you're a jew and watch the confusion wash over them.
Jump into the air, slamming your head into a brick square until coins come out. You are now a Bitcoin miner.
"Less Government. Less Taxes. Please rebuild our tornado ravaged homes, Federal Government! Less Government!" -Missouri Tea Party
Gallant is not religious, but he tries to respect other peoples faith. Goofus screams about not believing an "invisible sky wizard"
"I'm gonna have..." ~ the way an asshole starts a food order
an iPhone auto correct faux pas gets Jerry into hot water with his girlfriend. George insists 3D glasses won't work for him #updatedseinfeld
"Lets shut down the government so we can go the big Illuminati golf outing together" -Everyone in Congress & the House & Obama too
Retweet if you agree Juston Bieber is a better songwriter than John Lennon and Paul McCartney combined.