Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Yes, I'm an optimist. I'd say my boss is 'half full' of shit.
I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.
My hair is having a bad person day.
"Make up sex"? pfft, this is Twitter. "Made up sex", is more like it.
First rule of Paranoia Club is: Who's asking?
I LOVE you guys. At least I like you A LOT. Well, I'd totally do you. Well some of you. But I would call afterwards. If I weren't so busy...
I'm pretty sure that "bird" isn't the word. At least it didn't get me in to any speakeasies this weekend...
I'm sorry I asked if your parents are cousins, but you're pretty good with that banjo.
I wonder if fruit flies ever hit on regular flies and get beat up....
You want me to look at your sister's baby? Why? Has it got a tail? Horns? Does it speak latin? No? Then I've already seen that version.
By the time you finish reading this, two girls on the American west coast will have gotten chlamydia.
I put the 'team' in 'teamwork'. You do the work.
I really oppose child labour. Children have no feeling for quality, and it shows in the product..
Last night was so hot I had to tell my inner child to cover his eyes.
Today I've been to church, visited the old folks home, helped little old ladies crossing the street and lied about my day on Twitter.
Seriously, do women really need a day of their own? I mean, they're already the puppet masters ruling the world.
My therapist says that I suffer from delusions of grandeur.
Oh yeah, she wants me.
You know you're shit out of luck when your plan A, is to consult your plan B. And your plan B is "potato chips".
Despite my bad english, I feel quite accepted by my American followers. Maybe I'll move there and run for governor of... California?
I've learned english from watching The Simpsons, Family Guy and American Dad. Just like all American kids of today. Giggedy giggedy.
May impair your ability to operate machinery. If you believe that my tweets reflects my real life, you're prolly an idiot.