Every time I make 2 or 3 typos in a row, I look around the room for the ugliest person I can find, and all feels right again.

Never underestimate a person's ability to say absolute nonsense with astounding conviction.

The US media is a pretty stark reflection of how cynically the US views the intelligence of its own people.

Twitter doesn't make scientific sense. How can I follow you, and have you follow me at the same time without actually ever colliding?

"There's nothing I love more than making up bullshit, convincing myself it's real, and then, convincing others it's real too." - Religion

Perhaps every time I LOL at a guy's tweet, I should add a 'You're not getting any p*ssy' disclaimer. You never know what's in these days.

I hate people that fail to see the humor. I also hate people that do see the humor. I just hate people.

I'm insulted when men don't look up my skirt on an escalator.

Racist Game = Pool. WHITE ball push COLORED balls back into holes. BLACK ball out = you win.

Who wants to share their Vagina's monologue?

This whole idea that people have that you MUST always speak good of the dead is ridiculous. An idiot alive is still an idiot dead.

If I haven't followed you back and you really want me to, tweet something sensible and witty at me. Don't just ask me to "ff back".

I've set up my "work screen". You know what a "work screen" is? It's that screen that doesn't get you fired for incompetence.

Is it that we are awake because we can't sleep or that we can't sleep because we are awake?

If your child has a hard time telling the difference between "Am" and "I'm" you wasted your money on their school fees.

Every time I'm about to unfollow this ugly motherfucker I look at his follower count and stop myself at the last minute. Ugly motherfucker.

Getting robbed isn't what'll piss me off. No. Getting robbed in the middle of sending an inspired tweet is what's really annoying.

Fuck like your life depends on it.

Very deep.

For every new tweet I tweet, I add a tweet to my favorites. So as to at least give the impression I read my timeline.