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Worse part about running on a treadmill is that I keep on spilling my Mojito and my cigarette smoke keeps getting in my eyes
My girlfriend and I are planning on adopting. We just can't decide on a color.
Just hi-5'd a guy wearing a Slayer tshirt at this Supertramp concert, spilling my white zinfandel. Metal.
Cracked open my bottle of Jameson's. Already feeling my Kafka-esque transformation into the love-child of Mickey O'Rourke and Gary Busey
Been marking final exams all day for a Biochemistry course filled with Pre-Meds. My advice, avoid hospitals & invest heavily in homeopathy.
I don't need sex anymore because this job fucks me everyday.
body is broken after football last night. Next time I'm using my Avatar body
I'm so cold! - vegans
When ever I watch the new Old Navy commercial, I am reminded of why someone invented flamethrowers.
This day is disappearing quicker than a new album by Radiohead.
Watched 'Limitless' last night. Believe me when I say, that script had a Limit.
My gf sent me a text (mistake?) saying we should look for Friends With Benefits. I hope she was suggesting a torrent of the Timberlake movie
I'm not saying that this coffee tastes like shit, but its theme song, "The Reason" by Hoobastank was playing while I tried to choke it down
This weather in the meteorological equivalent of the new Miley Cyrus song
The take-out I just ate was so unfulfilling, it might as well been the The Walking Dead season finale.
OK, so maybe Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" wasn't the best choice of ringtone for my niece's communion
Fox 'News' Report: Ghaddafi isn't hiding in the capital,he is actually scouring the Best Buys in Tripoli looking for a #HPTouchPad. #Libya
I think the last time I was this pissed off, I was walking out of a showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
50 Shades of Done with this Weather
"Ain't come one, but many tine tanies!" - Pootie Tang
Like all things that suck, I too, have only one name