Worse part about running on a treadmill is that I keep on spilling my Mojito and my cigarette smoke keeps getting in my eyes

My girlfriend and I are planning on adopting. We just can't decide on a color.

Cracked open my bottle of Jameson's. Already feeling my Kafka-esque transformation into the love-child of Mickey O'Rourke and Gary Busey

Just hi-5'd a guy wearing a Slayer tshirt at this Supertramp concert, spilling my white zinfandel. Metal.

Been marking final exams all day for a Biochemistry course filled with Pre-Meds. My advice, avoid hospitals & invest heavily in homeopathy.

I don't need sex anymore because this job fucks me everyday.

body is broken after football last night. Next time I'm using my Avatar body

When ever I watch the new Old Navy commercial, I am reminded of why someone invented flamethrowers.

Watched 'Limitless' last night. Believe me when I say, that script had a Limit.

This day is disappearing quicker than a new album by Radiohead.

My gf sent me a text (mistake?) saying we should look for Friends With Benefits. I hope she was suggesting a torrent of the Timberlake movie

I'm so cold! - vegans

Fox 'News' Report: Ghaddafi isn't hiding in the capital,he is actually scouring the Best Buys in Tripoli looking for a #HPTouchPad. #Libya

I think the last time I was this pissed off, I was walking out of a showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

OK, so maybe Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" wasn't the best choice of ringtone for my niece's communion

"Ain't come one, but many tine tanies!" - Pootie Tang

I'm not saying that this coffee tastes like shit, but its theme song, "The Reason" by Hoobastank was playing while I tried to choke it down

Well, Summer is officially over.

A giant wolf spider wearing the House Stark sigil just crawled towards me and said, "Winter Is Coming"

.Mel Gibson tries to reboot his career by fisting a Beaver? Does he have the same PR firm as Republican Teat Party members?

JJ Abrams to direct the new Star Wars. After 2 Star Trek movies? I see as Schism in Nerdom's future. This will be all kinds of awkward.