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I’m going to start selling adult Happy Meals: Chipotle burrito, McDonald’s fries, Wendy’s nuggets, a 40 oz. Bud Ice, & a dime bag
Why the fuck does Five Guys even have diet soda? Porn shops don't sell bibles
Anyone using a pay phone is cheatin on their spouse, a drug dealer, or trying to escape the Matrix
You should legally be able to kill anyone wearing a YOLO shirt to prove their point
I bet Mila Kunis' ass tastes like nutella
IM ON A STRICT DIET OF WHISKEY AND ANGER
Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, take him to Olive Garden for fish an he'll have diarrhea for the night
Life's too short not to get day drunk and sleep naked with the blinds open
I want to fight the sick fuck that invented pants
The Miami Heat after party had champagne, bath salts, and face appetizers for everyone
Busta Rhymes should do a Girl Scout cookie commercial and perform "Gimme Samoa"
I’m a gentleman in every sense of the word. But if you smell like coconuts there is a 97% chance of me licking the back of your neck
Having problems conceiving a child? Look no further. I’m a 30 year old Puerto Rican male, 2 beers & high five and you’re preggers
ATTN Staten Island: The mayor is sending food trucks to the corner of Yetman Ave & Hylan in Tottenville also New Dorp Lane & Mill Rd at 1 PM
BY RETWEETING ME YOU'RE ONLY FUELING MY MADNESS
How many calories is sadness?
For the 37th straight year, the number one selling woman's costume for Halloween is a Slutty Whore with her titties & butt all out
HEYYO FATGIRL, COME HERE ARE YOU TICKLISH?
I’ve been up since 7. Drank 4 cups of coffee and seasoned a pork for tomorrow, I’ve turned into an old Puerto Rican woman.
Crazy NY transplant living in Florida - Don't let the picture fool you, I can make one hell of a sandwich.