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The saying "it's five o'clock somewhere" refers to the fact that somewhere someone has already been drinking for 6 hours, correct?
You are my rock..........bottom.
I don't get People. But I do get Teen People.
Saturday night spent brushing the cat. Who says you can't have fun sober? Me.
RIP 108 people who die per minute who don't make music.
My life isn't an open book. My life is an active twitter account.
Was getting down on myself for being drunk so early but then I remembered it's daylight saving time. EVERYTHING'S FINE YOU GUYS. I'M FINE.
My trainer is making me take a "before" picture so we can track my progress. Y'all aren't gonna believe it's the same middle finger.
So many people thanking vets today. It's just nice to be appreciated!
How many lean cuisines can you eat in one sitting before they are no longer considered lean? Same question for cuisine.
What sounds better: wine thirty or wine o'clock? I'm filling out an accident report...
"Mike and Molly" is the "King of Queens" for everyone who complained that Carrie was too hot for Kevin James' character. You happy now?
today is the first day of the rest of my problems.
"I really don't see what the big deal is."- me, everyday, about everything.
I think I have a case of the Mondays....blisters on the vagina, right?
I find the worst sentences begin with "This may not be PC....".