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Yo girl, how tall are you in dog inches?
I hope a miniature mariachi band comes through the doggy door in your frat house and glues little sombreros on your dicks
God created man in one day? I think this guy next to me on the plane took just 90 seconds in a dirty microwave
I'm wrapping all my fireworks in white bread so these pretentious crowds catch gluten shrapnel.
You wore black jeans to the beach? I'm surprised you didn't just zip yourself up in a black duffle bag and have someone toss you in the sand
My family doctor said nothing cures a big vagina :(
Messy in the streets but a neat freak in the sheets. Girl, I'll organize your pussy.
I want to date a girl so smart she goes to night clubs that only play audio books
You know it's a bad farmer's tan when you have a tractor burned onto your forehead
Having a fight with your girlfriend? Send me naked pics of her and I'll do funny stuff in photoshop for only $33 USD.
I'll shoot you in the face with a T-shirt gun and the shirt will be too small and say, 'your parents are dead' in a real shitty font
The Original Sweaty Back Bastard, Majik Most. 'Molesting HipHop' & 'You Got Jokes?!' In stores, on Itunes, and in your grandmas' purse right now. New album soon
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