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Dog coughs that sound human = scary. Women that bark like dogs = sexy.
How many calories are in a crying baby?
Sorry every woman of authority but I just picture you eskimo kissing a ball sack when you talk. #DisrespectfulTruths
Stuck in traffic so long next to this McDonald's that I started using their Wi-Fi. Super sad win.
"Daniel Craig is built like a fucking heat rock. There should be sex iguanas all over him at all times" - My grandma
I normally dislike shemales, but Rhianna is a true lyricist
Just saw a stripper with so many piercings in her vagina it looked like my fathers fishing hat.
When Donald Trump orgasms it sounds like a dot matrix printer torturing a fax machine to death
Damn girl, If you're wearing a sweat band and drinking a protein shake after doing rigorous kegel exercises then I'm interested.
I accidently put the 'e' before the 'i' in Justin Bieber's name and a mob of 13 yr old girls sodomized me with a Barbie head :(
I don't catch sexual diseases. My penis actually manufactures new ones. It's an innovator in the industry
Your girl looks sexy in this sweaty weather. I'll air drop glitter and turn her into a stripper
This is a fun camping trip. I made a sleeping bag out of your mom.
If you leave me alone with your twin babies for more than 10 minutes I'm gonna make nunchucks out of them guaranteed
My grandma just found out coffee doesn't come from an animal :(
Your vagina looks like a Philly cheese steak being pushed through an antique key hole
If nobody steps up and kills Adam Sandler this shit is gonna keep happening.
While in bed with a one night stand I always say, "first I find this mattress in the dumpster and then I meet you! Best day ever!"
George Zimmerman just robbed a bank wearing a giant skittles bag with eyes holes over his head
The Original Sweaty Back Bastard, Majik Most. 'Molesting HipHop' & 'You Got Jokes?!' In stores, on Itunes, and in your grandmas' purse right now. New album soon