I want to perform a colonoscopy on you with my face #PickUpLines

@leahbeeyuhh why not harm someone actually responsible for that abomination instead of a helpless baby?

@ohnoshetwitnt jigglypuff is the master of pokerape, just has to use sing then pound

I like it when it's the big girls at cold stone that make my ice cream, cause they give much larger portions

there's always that one asshole in class whose louder than everyone else with the most annoying accent and talks about the stupidest shit

My day would suck if it weren't for all the weird fucks on here

All women's clothing stores should have a section for boyfriends with a tv on ESPN and some comfy chairs

The aspankening #ClassicLitPorn

Ever notice how socially awkward nerdy girls seem to have strangely lesbionic sounding and very codependent relationships with each other?

Do Christian rock artist (if you want to call them that) ever run our of material to write about? It all sounds the same

I remember 2012 like it was yesterday

When did the up turned brim hat become popular? I know bikers like it but its 1: useless as a hat 2: looks god damn ridiculous 3: see 2

By noon today my brain will be shut down till mid January, come on winter break, Johnny's feeling lazy

Pretty sure this beard is growing into panty dropper status

Listening to these srorstitutes at the table next to me talking makes me want to jab a pen into my ears

Heard a sista tell her son yellow and orange make red, thanks to his mom that kid is intellectually screwed from the start

Girl just got a nose bleed during 10 am lecture, she should probably stop taking a bump in the morning and drink coffee like the rest of us

@cocaine_dealer you forgot ovens

If your phone sounds like a weed whacker when it vibrates then it defeats the point of being on silent, looking at you people in the library

@speelyfreaking there's got to at least be a poop shoot or something around there, just might have razor sharp scales...