@Malkah's (Molly) most faved Tweets...
No, wearing a top this tight has NOTHING to do with this synagogue full of single men and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LOOK AT MY BREASTS ALREADY!
I want my tombstone to read: "She Knew Exactly How Many M&Ms She Ever Ate." Just kidding! I want to be cremated. With 4,761 M&Ms.
The only problem with seeing if your cat likes espresso is now you're in the same room as a cat that's just had some espresso.
I don't handle conflict well. Unless hiding under a blanket and pretending we all turn into bunnies and live happily ever after is 'well'.
Time flies less when you idiotically watched a scary movie & are now huddling in a corner, clutching your cat & waiting for the sun to rise.
READING: Outrageous Fortune by Tim Scott
REVIEW: Average weight and page thickness. Cute page numbers. Smells pretty good--booky.
REVIEW: Average weight and page thickness. Cute page numbers. Smells pretty good--booky.
One quality I'm looking for in a husband is a realistic sense of all the cooking and housework I won't be doing.
Also, large penis.
Also, large penis.
Dreamt I slept with a gay guy then ate a bag of cookies. Think my subconscious is saying "You won't be single for long, you man magnet you!"
Look sweetie! Mommy got stars! Mommy's on the leaderboard!
God, what does it take to impress this cat?
God, what does it take to impress this cat?
Why all the interest in Megan Fox's thumbs? Is that a thing now? I have thumbs. Want to see my thumbs? I'll let you touch them. I'm single!
Today I learned that hyenas give birth through their clitoris.
In case it ever comes up, I would like to be a *lesbian* hyena.
In case it ever comes up, I would like to be a *lesbian* hyena.
Saw a fly with a gimp wing in my house. Learned to fly anyway. I found its courage very inspirational. Then I killed it. Wasn't very quick.
Hey, Urban Fantasy authors... I have a brilliant idea for a book series! Ready? Got a pen?
Okay, here it is: Something that's not vampires.
Okay, here it is: Something that's not vampires.
Don't get me wrong, I love the shit out of all you weirdos, but "Follow Friday" has begun to occupy the same area of my brain as "homework."
I know you think calling me ma'am makes you the epitome of politeness but, honestly, your tip is getting smaller every time you say it. Sir.
Wow, this is so exciting! Only ten more years until we're no longer uncomfortable and confused about how to refer to our current decade!
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