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Sometimes I feel sad,but then I remember I can use my boobs for holding a burrito hands free.
I'm at my most conflicted when I'm trying to watch porn on my phone and someone is starfucking me and I get distracted by the notifications
The Kool-Aid Man bursts though your wall, and finds you and your wife having sex on the couch. "Oh yeah" he whispers as he tries to join in.
When she texts me one word answers I think:
1. Is she mad at me
2. Is she busy
3. OMG ARE HER HANDS FULL OF DICK :(