I find your shenanigans sexually stimulating...

This whole being an "adult" thing can fuck off at any time.

Hey, your face. It's cute.

People act like drugs aren't a big deal, well guess what asshole? They are, so fucking share.

Someone just informed me I'm their twitter crush.. good to know im not the only one with questionable morals..

As an obese American I think it's important I starve my cat skinny, since I can't do such a thing to myself. I gotta eat, you know.

I can't wait for you to shut me up...

Goddamn...

I absolutely fucking hate you. ♥

I like guns. A lot.

I'm not racist. I watch Oprah's show and judge Mathis!

I want cuddles.

My cat eats uncooked pasta. What a fucking weirdo.

Every one of you are beautiful, except you. You're dumb,lazy and your momma gives you bad tweets.

My eyes hurt so bad, that if I were dead & buried, I imagine that this is what it'd feel like getting skull fucked by maggots.

I took the one less traveled by, and that has... gotten me fucking lost.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking seriously.

I'm an asshole.

You know, someone can only take so much... just a thought.

Soooooo... football. I'm ready for it.