Seriously. Three kids needing a haircut at the same time is a pita when there's only one cutter!

My response to just about everything: "Boys are dumb."

Yawn... Sports are dumb... Just big boys who can't stop playing with their balls...

#NowWatching Christmas Vacation... If you don't love this movie you probably kick baby bunnies. And are an asshole.

I had one drink.... Should I go for two?

@lisacollins9 yeah, it was when I was a kid. In Branson. He was performing with Sawyer Brown. Both were great. He put on a very nice show.

I live in a house full of Goldie Locks'.. Too hot, too cold, too lumpy.. (I'm the too lumpy)

@thecatinurhouse motherfucker!

I think I'm going to hell.

RT @uberfacts: People who have sex about three times a week are perceived to look four to seven years younger.//been nice knowing everyone..

#ff @expeditionok BC she's the shit.

@expeditionok http://www.cdkitchen.com/features/tip/250/Buttermilk-Substitute

I have 599 followers. WooHoo! There are atleast 600 crazy people on twitter! (Yes, me included)

RT @expeditionok: The whore spambots are out in full force today.//It is National Whipped Cream Day... #JustSayin

@beyondokc @expeditionok and then beating him w/ his man purse.

RT @uberfacts: For $68 you can buy a Louis Vuitton Condom. //That's just stupid.

@expeditionok @dorenelowe @blakeshelton hey! Wait! I've a new complaint... LEARN NIRVANA!!!

@lisacollins9 you are such a cutie!

I never have to be the designated driver. I've got this shit figured out.

@lisacollins9 woohoo!