Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My other vagina is an asshole.
I remember when having a 2 star tweet used to get me really excited. I also remember when 2 fingers used to get me excited. Things change.
Note to self: While on the phone at work do not address clients as "Dude" or "Man". Also, don't say "Fuck, sorry" when you do.
I’m so hungry right now that it feels like my stomach is eating itself. I hope my vagina is taking notes.
I don't have addictions. I have hobbies.
Love is a dominatrix that doesn't let you have a safeword.
I imagine that the feeling I get when I accidentally star my own tweet must be similar to what dudes feel when they get a boner in public.
Having a beer with lunch does not make me an alcoholic. It makes it Thursday.
When I first started giving out stars I didn't give out many cause I wanted it to be special. I used to feel that way about blow jobs too.
Starring a tweet with a typo is like having a conversation with someone but not letting them know they have something gross in their teeth.
I just signed off on a work email with "Retards" instead of "Regards". Noticed it after I hit send. I rock at this whole desk job thing.
If you ever find yourself saying "Holy fuck, I didn't know I could do that!" after a sexual encounter, you're doing something right.
Valentine's Day always makes me feel like a whore. I give blow jobs all year. Imagine the shit I've had to do to make today "special".
Twitter; Please grant me the strength to produce funny tweets, the courage to post unfunny ones & Favstar to know the difference.
Just for the record, I am not a lesbian. I enjoy cock as much as the next guy.
If Twitter is my new boyfriend, then Facebook is the old one that I stay "friends" with because I feel obligated to.
The fact that I only have long nails on one hand proves two things:
#1. I play guitar.
#2. I'm a considerate lover.
I'm a lover not a fucker. Kidding. I love fucking. You wanna fight about it?!
As a general rule, I wear the pants in my relationships. Especially when I'm not wearing pants.
You have a better shot at getting into my pants than you do at getting into my brain. Sadly, my brain vagina is sexier than my pants vagina.
Semi-professional motorboater, songstress, temptress, Baroness of Bawdy Behavior. Catch me on HBO's The Cock Whisperer every midnight.