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car windows should be upside down so they actually cool off my body instead of ruining my hair
why does anyone care how many people someone has slept with, like how do you think people get good at it
people are often divided when it comes to their feelings towards me, either they like me or they are stupid
will someone come sit on my face?? not sexually but so i die
whenever i can't sleep i count the number of lives i've ruined
I CAN FEEL MY FEELINGS WHERE ARE MY PILLS
do you think dinosaurs had forbidden romances
it's not that you're offensive, it's that you're dumb
making new friends when you are a grown-up is horrible and awkward and impossible.
why does a sports & fitness category even exist on netflix? that's why i have netflix, because i don't do sports or fitness
how long should i wait before answering a text, like on a scale of 0-5 seconds
saw a van that said "follow me to jesus" so i did and ended up at chili's
just noticed a typo in my tweet so i'm covering every inch of my body in rubber bands and snapping them all at once
being biracial is weird because my white friends are all "make it rain, pocahontas" and my indian friends are like "what's indoor plumbing."
i'd rather have a sex tape leaked than one of me eating wings
how do i get hugs on the internet
pretty sure dudes would criticize the physical appearances of women way less if they had to walk around with their dicks out
no, it's cool if plans changed. i rolled all of my hair around a 400° death stick that could disfigure me but it's fine
"omg you stop hugging me first!" "no you stop hugging me first!" "can't make me lol" - boxing
i do important things with important people because i am a very important person || http://mandyslam.tumblr.com